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The mommy guilt creeps in every time I fail to meet the expectation and I question myself “Is it the right choice I made??”
She oscillates between wanting to spend time with her daughter when she is at work and thinking about work when she is spending time with her daughter. Every mom knows what is best for herself and her family. Every mom works.
Some work at home exclusively and some split it between the office and home. After being a SAHM for a while, 7 years back I made a choice to resume work. A special mention for all the lady force who helped me take the decision- My mum, My mum-in-law, My maid, cook without their support, all this balancing wouldn’t have been possible. And above all, a lady who believed in me and gave me an opportunity to revive my career.
Whether you choose to be a SAHM or decide to resume work leaving back your newborn at home, both are equally difficult choices to make. As a SAHM you choose to let go of your financial independence and make yourself available to the new life that you just brought into this world. If you choose to be a working mom you decide to embark on a dual journey full of ambiguities hoping to become pragmatic in the process.
Daily turmoil that a working mom goes through:
At Home
Am I doing enough?
Am I doing it right?
Does she love me enough?
Am I able to develop the bond?
In between those guilt pangs you wonder:
Still running short of meeting this month’s target…phew
Did I send the follow-up mail?
I still haven’t got the data for tomorrow’s presentation.
At work, I have to leave sharp at 6 p.m. amidst prying eyes.
I should cut short the tea breaks to finish off my work by 6.
I don’t have a choice but be punctual or reach office before time to finish off my work.
Will I be the first choice to be laid off because I’m a mother and they think having a career is a choice and not a necessity?
Will I be considered for that promotion because in spite of proving myself time and again “They” still think my priority is homemaking (Yes it is !! And I know how to balance my priorities and my responsibilities. Limit your misogynistic ideas to yourselves).
Constant thoughts clouding her mind during the day:
Did she poop?
Did she finish the apple?
Did I pack her evening snacks?
I’ll cook a one-pot meal today as she has her exams tomorrow.
Trust me it’s tough to be in this situation each day. I miss my daughter’s Parent-Teacher meetings at school, her sports day not by choice but because I have to be present at work. Sometimes I have to miss that all-important meeting at the office not by choice, but because my daughter is sick or has exams the other day.
It is not a choice that I would want to make but I have learnt to live the choice I have made. Sometimes I shed tears and sometimes I take it with a pinch of salt. The mommy guilt creeps in every time I fail to meet the expectation and I question myself “Is it the right choice I made??” And then I think of the reasons why I am doing it and I reassure myself. Probably I didn’t make it as the best mom or didn’t have a high flying career as I would have wanted. But I have made peace with the fact that I have made my choice and redefined success or failure. There will always be people who will be judging you for all your choices.
Sail through the hardships and find strength in your little one’s smiles. I choose to live my choice amidst my daily guilt and people’s judgement.
Trust me it’s all worth it.
Image via Pixabay
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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