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The author writes about the emotions a surrogate mother goes through, carrying a baby not her own, yet tied to it by the umbilical cord, and having to give it up, even if she gains financially.
The hospital corridor was full of pregnant women. The stark smell of bleach was overwhelming. I was feeling uncomfortable and heavy. Dr Sunita Verma entered her cabin. I followed her in for a regular check up.
“Baby looks absolutely fine.” She said with a smile, pointing towards the sonography screen. “Can you see those beautiful little hands floating like a lotus?” I nodded and smiled back too, holding back my fear.
He or she inside me would kick hard, but it never hurt. As the weeks passed by, I could feel the baby joggling inside. I would feel exhausted all the time, even after eight hours of sleep. It was becoming difficult to bear the discomfort with my belly stretching every inch.
With every passing day I would regret my decision. I would get impatient.
And finally the water broke. The excruciating pain went on for more than 12 hours. I pushed hard for hours, and everything around me started fading away.
A few hours later when I regained my consciousness, I looked around the room. “Is it a boy or a girl?” I asked. But the doctor didn’t disclose anything. “You can collect your remaining cheque from the accounts department. You can go back home in a day, till then just relax.”
‘No pain no gain.’ I had heard it several times. And sometimes the person who goes through this pain has to live with it forever. Without complaining, without revealing anything to anybody.
Today I have enough money to get my husband’s surgery done, and I had sold a part of my soul to get it.
Later I got to know that due to some complications, I will never be able to bear a child again.
Surrogacy is not easy. A part of you is lost forever. I wish I could find some other way to deal with my challenges.
Someday I shall plan to adopt a child for myself, but will never let other women go through this trauma again.
A version of this was first published here.
Image source: shutterstock
Teacher by profession, a proud mother, voracious reader an amateur writer who is here to
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