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What Women Want Is Everybody’s Problem Because….It’s Our ‘Culture’!

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas seem to have sealed the deal with a ring, and annoyed some in the bargain. Why must a woman's choices be under this constant scrutiny and double standard?

Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas were recently reported to have sealed the deal with a ring, and annoyed some in the bargain. Why must a woman’s choices be under this constant scrutiny and double standard?

A Muslim celebrity wore a bikini and got badly trolled by both Hindus and Muslims for “wearing such indecent clothes”

An article about women’s sexuality stating that women need more sex as compared to men has a lot of hate comments and people are saying it is ‘against our culture’.

Sunny Leone was called out by Sikh groups for using her original name i.e Kaur. Why? Because she was a porn star. And again, being a porn star is something ‘against our culture’.

When a child is born, the child is considered a part of the father’s bloodline and not of the mother’s who has given birth to him/her. Therefore, in most traditions worldwide, only the father’s surname is put after a child’s name and not the mother’s.

So, what is this ‘culture’ and these ‘traditions’ that everyone suddenly remembers when a woman exercises her right to live her life on her own terms?

No one bats an eye when a man gets married to a younger woman. But, those men, those same men who have no problem sleeping with women 10 years younger to them would have so many problems with a woman being with a younger man.

The beaches and especially Indian beaches are full of men wading in the water in their underwear (not trunks), their displays all hanging out in full glory but, their wives are fully covered and even managing a dupatta or a saree. That is fine. Acceptable. But, a woman wearing a bikini to a pool or a beach is against our ‘sabhyata’?

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Sexual desire is something that is there in every human being as an instinct. Why are women expected to suppress these desires? Why is a woman asking for sex considered so wrong but a man demanding the same is okay? In fact, the range of hormones that women experience makes these desires very obvious (in some cases, even pregnancy hormones make a woman want more) and what is wrong with that? It’s pure biology.

Should a woman enjoy sex only when the husband initiates it and not when she wants it and conveys the same to her husband? Or if she isn’t married, conveys the same to her boyfriend or whoever the hell she wants! As long as it’s consensual, what’s the problem? Why is sex before marriage a taboo but only in the case of a female? Is basic biology against our so-called culture? If so, how?

Sunny Leone seems to be the hot topic of hatred of so many people and so many men in particular. So I am assuming each man that has gotten off on porn even once in his life should also be treated the same way? No? Is it because hardly any men on the planet would be left if that is done or is it because getting off sexually is ‘normal’ in the case of a man and a woman earning her livelihood by being an object of desire is a sin?

Our society is so full of double standards and the majority of them are about women. About their clothes, their choices, their sexuality, their opinions.

Is this really our culture or are people scared of liberated, equality seeking women?

Another interesting observation is how the various religions that are at loggerheads with each other at all times suddenly unite and show solidarity when speaking against women’s freedom of choice and expression.

The child having the father’s surname is no rule. If someone wants to keep the mother’s or combine both parents’ , it becomes an issue and something against our traditions. Why are traditions like these so tilted towards men?

Ambition is again something that is considered an asset when speaking of men but a negative quality when we speak of women. A man successful in his career is kept on a pedestal but a woman doing the same is not looked at as a career woman but as a woman who is maybe neglecting her house, husband and children. Are these only the responsibility of a woman? And again, our so-called culture is seen quoting a woman’s duties and responsibilities.

So, what if women don’t need looking after? Women don’t need to ask for permissions? Women don’t need a man to help them get through life? Would men suddenly find themselves jobless?

I do believe a lot of men would support women in equality because I have seen such men around me and i also believe women don’t need men’s support in getting something that is their own.

If suppressing women is a part of our culture, erasing her identity and not giving the bloodline that she produces her name is a part of tradition, it’s time to change the damn culture and chuck these traditions out. One by one. With courage and like a boss! And if it’s too much to change everything at one go, it’s important to at least start thinking on these lines and try and teach our kids to do the same.

It’s a stand that needs to be taken. Simple. In whatever way we feel is right. We can pick our fights and be part of a larger battle.

Dismantling one stone in the wall at a time would finally lead to a rubble of failed customs and traditions that were oppressive and biased.

No one in this world is supposed to help women out. Even other women are not duty bound to help fellow women on their journey. It’s a small change that individuals need to stand up for. For themselves and by teaching the kids the value of equality and logic.


First published at author’s blog

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