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We tend to compliment our daughters on their looks as a default – if we want them to grow up confident women, we need to re-think this!
My daughter, to you I must apologize For the compliment I gave you the other day
When I called you “pretty in your dress”, I did not realize That years of conditioning had made their way Into this seemingly innocuous comment of mine-
A comment that flawed perceptions did validate Calling you pretty was an unmistakable sign That from societal norms I find it difficult to deviate-
In that moment I thought about you in your outfit Though you were going out for a mathematics quiz I realized my folly soon- this did not sit Well with me at all, therefore the self-analysis..
I let you down (and myself too) I should have focused on your intelligence Instead I thought about your beauty, it’s true The wrong attribute again took precedence
To your brother I would not have said Something similar, my comment would have been Geared towards his mental capability instead
Yet this is the discrimination I’ve seen Over and over again, all around me This behavior is so deeply ingrained For a female, we think of her outer beauty First- before we remember she has a brain
Next time I decide to pay a compliment To a girl- in my choice of words I shall be conscious I shall think of each field in which she is competent Only then on physical attributes shall I focus
This is what I shall endeavor to do, my daughter And if I fail, give me a gentle reminder…
Published here earlier.
Image source: Shuchita Gupta
I am a woman, a physician, a mother and an aspiring writer rolled into one.
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