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We tend to compliment our daughters on their looks as a default - if we want them to grow up confident women, we need to re-think this!
We tend to compliment our daughters on their looks as a default – if we want them to grow up confident women, we need to re-think this!
My daughter, to you I must apologize For the compliment I gave you the other day
When I called you “pretty in your dress”, I did not realize That years of conditioning had made their way Into this seemingly innocuous comment of mine-
A comment that flawed perceptions did validate Calling you pretty was an unmistakable sign That from societal norms I find it difficult to deviate-
In that moment I thought about you in your outfit Though you were going out for a mathematics quiz I realized my folly soon- this did not sit Well with me at all, therefore the self-analysis..
I let you down (and myself too) I should have focused on your intelligence Instead I thought about your beauty, it’s true The wrong attribute again took precedence
To your brother I would not have said Something similar, my comment would have been Geared towards his mental capability instead
Yet this is the discrimination I’ve seen Over and over again, all around me This behavior is so deeply ingrained For a female, we think of her outer beauty First- before we remember she has a brain
Next time I decide to pay a compliment To a girl- in my choice of words I shall be conscious I shall think of each field in which she is competent Only then on physical attributes shall I focus
This is what I shall endeavor to do, my daughter And if I fail, give me a gentle reminder…
Published here earlier.
Image source: Shuchita Gupta
I am a woman, a physician, a mother and an aspiring writer rolled into one. I write about various aspects of my life, and my preferred form of writing is poetry (or rhyming verses). read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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