Pepsi’s Feminine Potato Chips Is A Brilliant Idea, But Here Are 5 More ‘Ladylike’ Products We Need

While we were busy fighting for gender equality, Pepsi decided to gift womankind with feminine chips. But why stop there, we want more such gendered products from corporates, please?

So women, while we were talking about all the injustices and oppression that we face due to our gender, it seemed someone had finally listened to us and decided to give us some respite from a terrible burden. Yes, you remember how embarrassed you felt eating chips which made unpleasant noise with their crunchiness and then you didn’t know what to do with all that unsightly dust left behind on your delicate, manicured fingers? So, Pepsi has decided to deliver us from this agony by presenting the crunch less chips, specially designed for women! Tada! Come on folks, let’s rejoice!

In a recent Freakonomics podcast, when the interviewer asked Pepsi CEO Indra Nooyi about the differences between men and women eating chips (!), she replied,

“When you eat out of a flex bag — one of our single-serve bags — especially as you watch a lot of the young guys eat the chips, they love their Doritos, and they lick their fingers with great glee, and when they reach the bottom of the bag they pour the little broken pieces into their mouth, because they don’t want to lose that taste of the flavor, and the broken chips in the bottom. Women would love to do the same, but they don’t. They don’t like to crunch too loudly in public. And they don’t lick their fingers generously and they don’t like to pour the little broken pieces and the flavor into their mouth.”

Apparently, someone forgot to tell Pepsico that this is 2018 and women are capable of eating chips in an ‘unladylike’ manner and we don’t really mind licking our fingers. Also, what the heck are chips good for without the crunchiness?

But since companies like Pepsi are being so concerned about our feminine needs, can we please demand for some more such products? Pretty please?

• What about a whiskey exclusively for women? You see, people generally look down upon women drinking manly drinks like whiskey. Some even assume we can’t really drink anything further than the good, old wine. So, why don’t you give us whiskey that’s pink in color and while you’re at it make the bottles look more slender and feminine too?
• What about a toothpaste that doesn’t cause our mouths to be filled with that gross looking white spit? Which husband or male partner likes to see a beautiful woman’s mouth full of white spit early in the morning? What about a clear toothpaste that doesn’t form bubbles and make us look pretty even in the mornings while we brush our teeth?
• You already have pink pens, pink ear phones, and smaller tissue papers to suit women’s preferences and abilities. (Once I tried wiping my face with a man-size tissue paper and I couldn’t even manage the enormous tissue with both my hands!) Why don’t you get us more pink products like pink cars, pink desks and chairs for our offices, pink cupboards, pink houses, in fact make us look like we’ve jumped straight out of a bottle full of Gelusil! Imagine how lovely that would be?
• In fact, I think Ms. Nooyi got something wrong even about the chips, you know? Why feed us chips at all for which we need to open our mouths and show it to the world in an unladylike manner! Instead, why don’t you make small pills which are actually snacks and we can simply gulp it down with water! There, see! We aren’t eating dusty chips and creating a mess which makes us look less feminine.
• And why only snacks, make all our food come in pill sizes! So, next time when we’re on a date there’s no fear of the spinach sticking between our teeth or us looking like men while we try eating meat out of bones or when we try tackling the messy, cheesy pizza. You want a pizza, girl? Here pop this pill! But the tongue wouldn’t enjoy the taste of the creamy cheese and the soft dough and the meats and vegetables that make a pizza, you say? You are a woman, can’t you make this tiny bit of sacrifice to present a pretty picture to the world? And you know another advantage of these food pills? No belching or farting! Wow. You’re the perfect woman that ever could be! Now which woman would not prefer such a brilliant option?

So ladies, come on let’s give companies some more suggestions for feminine products because you are a lady and you know the difficulties of maintaining that lady like demeanor while traversing the hardships of every day life, such as eating chips. And while you’re at it, do read how women over the ages have been taught and forced to be ladylike in their food habits on this thread.

Image Source: smiling woman at a cafe by Shutterstock.

Kasturi Patra

Kasturi’s debut novel, forthcoming in early 2021, had won the novel pitch competition by

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