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The 'hidden patriarchy' in ordinary Indian customs is disturbing, as it might not be recognised for what it is. Like finding a husband who is 'economically superior'.
The ‘hidden patriarchy’ in ordinary Indian customs is disturbing, as it might not be recognised for what it is. Like finding a husband who is ‘economically superior’.
What is Patriarchy? Well, we all know that. In which areas does it exist? The most common answer will be in education, domestic violence, rituals, jobs, upbringing of children etc.
We often talk about patriarchy and how it is harmful to everyone. We highlight the harmful and negative aspects of patriarchy – that is the general view. But often many people do not realize that patriarchy is being supported unconsciously when we think superficially ‘for our own good’. And this affects every part of our country.
Do you think North East India is an exception in this regard because of its matrilineal society? No, it has never been like that. In fact there is an Assamese saying “Lao Hodai Pator Tolot”. It means that a pumpkin remains always enveloped and under its leaves. The pumpkin signifies women and its leaves are the men.
There may be a matrilineal society in Meghalaya, but all matters are controlled by the men of the house. There may not be a distinct dowry system in Assam, still the brides are expected to bring some goods from their home, and very often it becomes the subject of discussion among the groom’s family.
I could highlight a specific aspect of patriarchy present in our society. Often parents would tell their educated daughters to find a husband who is a bit more educated, a bit more economically stronger than her. It is always acceptable when a rich and educated man marries a poor and uneducated woman; he is seen as a savior. But when it happens vice versa society begins to question.
Even many educated girls follow this path and think it as a great achievement when they finally find a husband that meets all the socially acceptable criteria; I have seen that. Though there may be exceptions in some families, this is the general rule. He has to have an occupationally higher position than her.
The sole purpose of it is to make the girl dependent on her husband and be dominated by him. Can you not see it? If a girl is, or becomes economically stronger than the boy, society fears that she may impose her ideas upon him, and would not be afraid to leave him when their marriage becomes abusive. It is high time that people reflect on this aspect of our society as a form of patriarchy. It does not mean that I will object to such marriages where the boy happens to be economically stronger than the girl if they both consent. What I am pointing is that people also need to stop this practice for the sole purpose of following society rules and must accept the vice versa of this practice too.
I will never encourage a girl to find a husband who is economically and occupationally higher than her ‘for her good’. Patriarchy is all pervasive in all its parts; it has transcended into the society in such a way that it becomes difficult to identify the areas affected by it and to uproot the system.
Image source: By Deeporaj (Own work) [CC BY-SA 3.0], via Wikimedia Commons
What better way to spread feminism than writing your heart out? Having seen patriarchal influences in the society from a very close point I want to higlight points why feminism is needed in the first read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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