Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
I have never felt heard or valued for being myself in my marriage, but because my son loves my husband, I feel unsure – should I quit my marriage? Help!
Today is a special day in my life. Trying to be happy but not feeling good inside. For the last so many years that I have been married, there have been a few days where I was happy, but the following days have been spent in a tense environment.
I have always thought of myself as a balanced person. But my husband is just opposite. Sometimes I feel that no one is more caring than him, but again there are times where no one is harder than him.
There is only one problem which creates trouble in our life. His view of taking things only from his perspective. I have never felt free in my married life. For everything I do or have interest in, he has a opinion. If he doesn’t like something then I shouldn’t, too! In all these years, I have failed to make him understand that if he doesn’t like, or does like something, it is just his opinion. That he should not force the persons around him to feel the same way.
He is a knowledgeable person but sometimes I feel his this sense of superiority is a problem for me. He is not able to accept me as I am or me as an individual.
I wish he could think someday that he is just a part of my life, not my whole life and he has no right to ask me to change my opinion just because he, as my husband, has a different opinion.
For example, he doesn’t like to be active on social media, and thinks that those who use Facebook and WhatsApp are just wasting their time – so social media is to be banned at home! He has even tried throwing tantrums to get me off social media, even threatening to commit suicide.
I want to ask this question to all the women reading this – should I continue in this relationship that feels toxic to me, or quit. I’m in a conundrum as I have a son who is very fond of his father, and my husband takes care of him really well.
To quit or not to quit? What do I do? Because of my son, I am unable to decide. This is a call for help from all of you!
Image source: pixabay
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A working professional having 9 to 5 job but willing to make her own path.
Many hugs to you…stay strong…I understand it’s an extreme behaviour from his side…why don’t you try getting him counselled?
Taking advice from random strangers about something as complicated as a relationship and institution like marriage is perhaps not the best route for a solution to your problems, whatever they may be. More often even people one knows are unfit to give the best advice because they do not have the maturity or skills or training to see the situation from the outside. They will often bring their own personal dynamics into their advice and that is really a dead end because no two marriage and no two individuals are exactly alike. This will only cause you more confusion. It is best to seek professional help from a qualified counsellor or marriage counsellor. They have better skills and training and far deeper understanding of marriage dynamics and healthy perspectives of goals, risk and rewards in staying in or leaving one. Ideally if you could take your spouse along to a marriage counsellor, you both will gain a better understanding of the dynamic at play in your specific marriage and find a workable solution to your specific problem. You may just even find out that what you call a “problem” can be sorted out with better communication and understanding between you two. At the least you can go alone and talk to a professional counsellor/marriage counsellor. Ask about a good one among your trusted friends or family.
Agree with Divya Mittal…Suicide is indeed a red flag…I know of two of my batch mates where one was a guy who committed suicide because his marriage was fraught with violence (due to his own famous flaws which the wife refused to put up) and the now the wife is under legal troubles since he left a suicide note holding her responsible. The person suffering most in all this is their 10 year old son. Another friend whose hubby committed suicide a couple of years ago (where the reason being stated is of depression) is still reeling under the guilt which she’s trying to battle out of.
So whatever you want to do, think over it yourself…if it would help, speak to only selected friends and relatives who understand you properly (and of course would wish you well) and in whom you can confide openly without any hesitation but still better is to go for professional consultation and decide very clearly. There should be no scope for regrets and stay strong in whatever decision in you take. Good luck.
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