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There is nothing wrong in factoring in some me-time as a mom. It is your right, and does not make you a bad mother, no matter what anyone says!
6 am. If you’ve slept at night, you wake up early. If not, the term ‘wake-up’ is meaningless. You just get off the bed and start the day.
Make breakfast, feed the baby, pack lunch for the husband, somehow grab a burnt toast to eat but rush to clean a pooping baby, never mind that the toast fell on the ground, pick it up and eat it, give the baby a bath, make some fresh mashed food for the baby, feed the baby, find a cup of cold tea on the dining table (remember that you had made some tea in the morning but never had it), gulp down the tasteless liquid, have some of the leftover baby food as lunch, manage to eat another cup of rice … and so the day goes on.
You don’t really know when the morning quietly slid into the afternoon and when evening sneaked in.
If that looks like your day too, it can get overwhelming, especially if you have a newborn/very young baby at home and if you don’t have any help. I have been in the exact same scenario, and I did not realize how three years passed by gulping down cold chai and running around like a fidget spinner. Tiredness written all over my face and forever sleepy, I used to be in pretty low spirits.
I can imagine a lot of us go through such phases.
However, gradually, I realized that having a ME-Time can work wonders. ‘Me-Time,’ a time only for yourself to do what you want to do. A time to nurture the person inside you who is not a wife, who is not a mom, who is not a daughter. A time without any household chores and a time without any responsibilities.
Do anything you like in your Me-Time, or just don’t do anything. Just relax for a few hours. If hours sound too much for you, make it just for 30 minutes in a day. You can just read, take a nap, sit like a zombie out in the balcony, watch people, have a quick chat with your friend, grab a hot coffee and make up for the cold chai you had in the afternoon, go out and get a new book or a new dress, get a warm bath; essentially anything that unwinds you and keeps you happy.
Just take off from all household chores for sometime, have your husband or someone trustworthy look after your child for a few hours or minutes while you take a break.
I cannot really emphasize how important this is for our own well-being. It takes our mind off the baby and the home, and restores our energy. It is essentially a way to de-stress and revitalize ourselves. No breaks and overwork sap us of our own energies and leave us extremely stressed which can make us angry, irritable, and even unfriendly.
The impact of such stress is heavily understated because we do not really understand that a hidden reason why we are often irritable is that we do not take breaks. We do not take care of our emotional health. We do not realize that the ‘me’ within us needs to be cared for.
We also do not realize that being refreshed makes us happier mothers, and that a quick break helps us come back to the family better and happier.
I know of some parents who work out a Me-Day for the mom. The mom takes an entire day off and the dad takes care of the child. Not only does she come back fresh, the child also gets enough time to bond with the father. If you can work it out, have a Me Day once a week. If that sounds difficult, try for a few minutes everyday.
On a side note, sometimes we are not vocal about the need of a break even if we feel the need for it. We may feel guilty for being away from the baby, or fear that we may be judged at and termed ‘bad mothers.’ Setting correct expectations at home and realizing that a break is only for a happier family can clear off any questionable thoughts.
Try taking a break and see how a Me-Time can put back the you in you. You will definitely come back to your baby happier and all charged up.
Image source: Flickr, for representational purposes only.
Founder of mayodip.com (which is into Virtual Reality), Ex-googler, Mom, Writer. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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