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The MIL DIL relationship has seen conflict since forever, but maybe it is time to rethink how we want this relationship to pan out in our lives?
The word ‘relationship’, according to the dictionary means, a connection, association, or involvement. This can, be further defined as a complex algebra-like equation. Whenever we hear the word relationship the mind thinks about the relationship between a man and a woman.
But there are more complex relationships like the one between two women — for eg., the relationship between a daughter-in-law and a mother-in-law.
This relationship is problem-prone and has existed for many moons with no solution as yet. Be it Jane Fonda in Monster-in-Law or Lalita Pawar in Sau Din Saas Ke, time after time it has been shown that, the anatomy of this relationship is not getting any simpler.
And of course, there are the soaps made on this subject.
In the beginning, the two women are very warm towards one another. The relationship between the two can be described as a roller coaster ride — up, down, further down…!
These two women can barely co-exist, yet are bound for life! They are connected through the man, the husband and the son, and of course the house they live in.
For women, it’s never easy to let go anything they possess. Ask a woman and she will tell how hard it is to give away an old high-school jeans that ceased to fit long ago. So if that makes them feel bad, how can they feel good about no longer being the one the son looks up to and not being ‘the’ woman of the house?
The new woman in the house comes with many aspirations. She has just left her maternal family, friends and maybe even her city to unite with the new family. So surely, it is not her fault if she cannot see what’s the big deal on who cooks that dal fry? It is another thing that she should genuinely try to work things out (and likewise for the mother in law) in her new home – any relationship needs working on.
There are days when both the women go shopping, hit the spa and everything is hunky dory. But it does not rain often in the Thar Desert, does it? Normally it’s scorching heat and billowing dry wind; and did I mention the nights are generally freezing?
The snide remarks that characterize their conversation not only make this analogy messier, it water downs all the shopping fun.
The silent treatment that follows nasty observations makes it non-conducive to breathe the same air.
So from a warm mother–daughter, they become the typical, cold ‘soap’ like mother–daughter-in-law. And yet they do their chores in the same space and continue the bickering anyway.
All relationships need to be worked upon, all the time. And this one is no exception to this general law of nature. Perhaps, it needs more nurturing than any other relation.
Eventually, both the women of the house have to learn the art of taking things in stride and enjoy life with a pinch of salt.
Maybe, it’s time to break these rigid rituals which increase the hate or ‘dislike’ factor.
Both, the daughter in law and the mother in law need to bridge this gap.
Daughters-in-law, next time, you go for a pedi-mani, why not take your mom-in-law, because lets admit it, all women love getting pampered, age no bar. Or, you could invite her to the zumba class? Who doesn’t love to dance?
You not only spend some good time together, but also start creating better memories.
And, dear mothers-in-law, you could gift your daughter-in-law a vacation. This could mean anything from a day off from the kitchen to a real holiday with your son.
These are just very basic examples, but deep inside you know what you need to do, to make that ‘first step’ to be ‘Girls Together’and not Girl Vs Girl.
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I'm a thirty five year old wife & SAHM to twin boys. I started
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