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This is a reply to a comment on my previous article where I was pretty much blaming my dad, mostly complaining about my marriage and traditional in laws.
Comment: “All this ranting and raving is fine, but what is she doing about it?”
Excellent question! Just listing problems and blaming it on my dad is not going to change my situation at all. And I can write 100 pitiful articles, but that is also not going to change much. What am I actually doing to deal with my traditional in laws?
Divorce is not an option as my husband and I really love each other. Considering thousand known-unknown factors, separation is also not an option.
So, here are little temporary solutions that are helping me co-ordinate with my brand new traditional in laws.
Well, my husband and I tried to sit and discuss issues with them. It went terribly wrong. Obviously. If I can’t change easily from what I am at the age of 24, it’s that much more difficult for them. But then talking about how I feel in front of them (for once), gave me such a relief! And even though no house rules changed, they understood that I can’t be tamed as per their wishes!
The other thing that I am doing is making a priority list. Things that I just can’t compromise on, and need immediate change in mindset from their side, and the things that can wait. For example, my career is at the top of my priority list. So for now, things like my living style, friends, travelling, etc. will have to wait till I sort out the more important things. Maybe it’s not a great technique, but priorities!
So yes, I do whatever work I can right now. Make excel sheets for office, manage the husband’s office work that only needs a laptop, freelancing online. Not making much money, yes, but not going out of practice. Not sitting idle, not wasting time in kitty parties, not watching TV and not spending time just being online.
I hated explaining myself to him in the beginning too. But then I realized, guys these days understand everything so much better. So, I started discussing things with my husband. Not shouting at him or fighting with him, but discussing. Because he understands his parents the best, he gives me some of the best tips to turn things in my favour.
In the beginning I tried to do everything on my own, so that I get compliments as to what a great bahu I am. But, that was stupid. Really. The better option is to manage house-helps efficiently. Do not work for compliments. Work for convenience. I try to spend my time doing things that I enjoy more and not force myself into doing things that can be done by someone else.
I can’t watch those saas-bahu series that are considered as ‘Family Time’ when everyone in my house is around. So, I rather sit there with everyone and read. And I read whenever I need distraction. I have read more books in the last eight months than I did in college or while working. It has become a therapy to me.
When the whole marriage feels unfair and I want to calm myself, I think of it as a school lecture that I hate to attend. I think of my traditional in laws as the boss for whom I will never be good enough. Keep telling myself that nothing is permanent and it’s getting better with time. For example, irrespective of everything, I have become a great cook who can cook any cuisine. At least I know no matter how vulnerable my life is going to get, I can always make myself a great meal.
I am not compromising on this one. My husband and I are always lighting some candles, taking (and giving) some massages – even if we go out less, there’s always a lot of cute things we are doing for each other.
And keep all the precautions because last thing you want in all this mess is a baby. And ladies, those who are told that a baby is a way out, please know that it’s only a way into all the problems if you aren’t settled in your marriage and career yet.
Everyone is going to have a different list, but this is my list. This is how I am dealing with the situation I mentioned last time. And this is what helps me keep going, knowing that there’s going to be a rainbow at the end of the tunnel. I am sure there are better ways and I will slowly figure them out too.
But yes, this is how the small revolution starts. It starts when we help each other discovering better actions and reactions. When we move from pointing fingers to joining hands.
STOP ASKING ALL THE GIRLS/BOYS AND THEIR PARENTS – “Toh shaadi ka kya socha hai?“
Happily go when you are invited to one but do not ask before that. Don’t be one of the ‘log jo kahenge’. Keep yourself away from such talk.
What is your contribution to this small revolution? I want your answers!
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I support :Beti bachao, beti padhao I am against: Fir beti ki acche ghar me shaadi karao Summing up my life: Being ordinary is also difficult, for everyday you are trying to reach the extraordinary. read more...
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What I loved was how there is so much in the movie of the SRK we have known, and also a totally new star. The gestures, the smile, the wit and the charisma are all too familiar, but you also witness a rawness, an edginess.
When a movie that got the entire nation in a twist – for the right and wrong reasons – hits the theatres, there is bound to be noise. From ‘I am going to watch it – first day first show’ to ‘Boycott the movie and make it a flop’, social media has been a furore of posts.
Let me get one thing straight here – I did not watch Pathaan to make a statement or to simply rebel as people would put it. I went to watch it for the sheer pleasure of witnessing my favourite superstar in all his glory being what he is best at being – his magnificent self. Because when it comes to screen presence, he burns it, melts it and then resurrects it as well like no other. Because when it comes to style and passion, he owns it like a boss. Because SRK is, in a way, my last connecting point to the girl that I once was. Though I have evolved into so many more things over the years, I don’t think I am ready to let go of that girl fully yet.
There is no elephant in the room really here because it’s a fact that Bollywood has a lot of cleaning up to do. Calling out on all the problematic aspects of the industry is important and in doing that, maintaining objectivity is also equally imperative. I went for Pathaan for entertainment and got more than I had hoped for. It is a clever, slick, witty, brilliantly packaged action movie that delivers what it promises to. Logic definitely goes flying out of the window at times and some scenes will make you go ‘kuch bhi’ , but the screenplay clearly reminds you that you knew all along what you were in for. The action sequences are lavish and someone like me who is not exactly a fan of this genre was also mind blown.
Recent footage of her coming out of an airport had comments preaching karma and its cruel ways, that Samantha "deserved her illness" because she filed for divorce.
Samantha Ruth Prabhu fell from being the public’s sweetheart to a villain overnight because she filed for divorce. The actress was struck with myositis post divorce, much to the joy of certain groups (read sexist) in our society.
A troll responded to Samantha’s tweet, “Women Rising!!” by adding to it “just to fall”. She replied, “Getting back up makes it all the more sweeter, my friend.”
Here’s another insensitive tweet by BuzZ Basket showing fake concern for her autoimmune disease. “Feeling sad for Samantha, she lost all her charm and glow. When everyone thought she came out of divorce strongly and her professional life was seeing heights, myositis hit her badly, making her weak again.” Samantha responded, “I pray you never have to go through months of treatment and medication like I did. And here’s some love from me to add to your glow.”
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