Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
Our society has so many rules for women - else, suffer the consequences! What about the control of women on their own lives?
Our society has so many rules for women – else, suffer the consequences! What about women controlling their own lives?
How many times have you been made to feel as if you’ve broken a set of rules just because you chose to be yourself? How many times have you been warned and judged for breaking so-called stupid rules that the society insists women follow?
If you ask me whether I’m aware of the rules, I’d say there are none to follow. You just play your game and make up your own rules. It is entirely subjective. But then, how do you deal people who keep telling that you’re wrong and that you will have to change your path and rules? Well, I’ve made up 2 rules for those folks:
Rule #1: Ignore other’s rules if it doesn’t make sense to you. Rule #2: Meticulously follow Rule #1
Of course, there will be a few others who might be genuinely concerned for you and may try to put their points across in a subtle manner. It all comes down to going by our instincts on distinguishing the well-meaning and the not-so-well-meaning ones.
The problem here is, some people around us hate our guts and are completely against us having our own game and rules. First they try to convince you, and then they ridicule you and then they try imposing their rules on you.
The bad news here is, they sometimes never give up. But the good news is, you don’t really have to bother.
Let’s take our families for instance. I’ve come across parents who speak so much about empowering young girls and raising them as independent individuals and then go on to create a big fuss because their daughters demand the same. I’ve seen people convincing other girls’ parents to send their daughters abroad for studies but when it comes to their own daughters, they wouldn’t want them to step out of the city. Isn’t all this supposed to begin at home, begin with us, before we blame the society?
Many people consider themselves experts in judging and commenting on other’s lives. I’ve seen women gossip endlessly about other women who are successful and are open about what they want in life. These people around shift focus from their lives and start judging every single aspect of our successful heroines. Not that our heroines would be bothered with all the behind-the-scene dramas, but why are we judging people who have every right to live by a different set of rules?
People often forget that respecting women is not something that only men should take care of, even women should learn to respect other women. (Dear Women, if we don’t stand up for our sisters, who else will!)
I’m not generalizing here, but when we have so much going on about allocating a day to celebrate ‘Women’ we might as well try and do justice to it in some small way, all through the year. The onus is on both men and women – to treat women well. People often forget that respecting women is not something that only men should take care of, even women should learn to respect other women. (Dear Women, if we don’t stand up for our sisters, who else will!)
I’ve often heard people complain how badly they’ve been treated by family/peers. Somehow I always feel that in such situations, the mistake is ours. We are letting others treat us badly. Unless we make things clear and stop tolerating such treatment this just wouldn’t come to an end.
… just because you are a woman don’t expect favors or demand others do something for you. You are a woman, and if you want something you are capable of doing it. If you are unable to, request for help, but don’t demand that others do something for you.
Stop complaining, voice out your thoughts, stop tolerating others’ nonsense, stand up for yourself, be firm and learn the art of saying No (or ditch the art and just say No. Simple!). Don’t allow others to influence your thoughts too much, or for their words to affect you unnecessarily. It’s their right to speak, it’s your right to ignore.
At the same time, just because you are a woman don’t expect favors or demand others do something for you. You are a woman, and if you want something you are capable of doing it. If you are unable to, request for help, but don’t demand that others do something for you. Please don’t behave badly in front of the world and spoil it for people who are doing a brilliant job living their lives as per their wishes and yet not hurting the sentiments of others.
If you want to see the change, be the change. Inspire people to follow and let your actions do the work – whether it is the way you treat others or the way you would like to be treated. Remember all of us are here on our own missions and we have much better things to focus on than getting involved unnecessarily in others’ lives. We are running towards a goal that others might not be even aware of. So let’s focus on what we’ve planned for us. Let’s not try to deviate just to please everyone. It’s impossible to try to please everyone, every time. You don’t have to and you don’t need to either!
Published earlier here.
Image source: confident young woman by Shutterstock.
A Blogger from Chennai, now in Sydney, Australia. I like writing on habits, productivity, and life experiences. When I'm not writing, I read, try to balance being a foodie & a fitness enthusiast, and make read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
He said that he needed sometime to himself. I waited for him as any other woman would have done, and I gave him his space, I didn't want to be the clingy one.
Trigger Warning: This deals with mental trauma and depression, and may be triggering for survivors.
I am someone who believes in honesty and trust, I trust people easily and I think most of the times this habit of mine turns into bane.
This is a story of how a matrimonial website service turned into a nightmare for me, already traumatized by the two relationships I’ve had. It’s a story for every woman who lives her life on the principles of honesty and trust.
And when she enters the bedroom, she sees her husband's towel lying on the bed, his underwear thrown about in their bathroom. She rolls her eyes, sighs and picks it up to put in the laundry bag.
Vasudha, age 28 – is an excellent dancer, writer, podcaster and a mandala artist. She is talented young woman, a go getter and wouldn’t bat an eyelid if she had to try anything new. She would go head on with it. Everyone knew Vasudha as this cheerful and pretty young lady.
Except when marriage changed everything she knew. Since she was always outdoors, whether for office or for travelling for her dance shows, Vasudha didn’t know how to cook well.
Going by her in-laws definition of cooking – she had to know how to cook any dishes they mentioned. Till then Vasudha didn’t know that learning to cook was similar to getting an educational qualification. As soon as she entered the household after her engagement, nobody was interested what she excelled at, everybody wanted to know – what dishes she knew how to cook.