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Our society has so many rules for women - else, suffer the consequences! What about the control of women on their own lives?
Our society has so many rules for women – else, suffer the consequences! What about women controlling their own lives?
How many times have you been made to feel as if you’ve broken a set of rules just because you chose to be yourself? How many times have you been warned and judged for breaking so-called stupid rules that the society insists women follow?
If you ask me whether I’m aware of the rules, I’d say there are none to follow. You just play your game and make up your own rules. It is entirely subjective. But then, how do you deal people who keep telling that you’re wrong and that you will have to change your path and rules? Well, I’ve made up 2 rules for those folks:
Rule #1: Ignore other’s rules if it doesn’t make sense to you. Rule #2: Meticulously follow Rule #1
Of course, there will be a few others who might be genuinely concerned for you and may try to put their points across in a subtle manner. It all comes down to going by our instincts on distinguishing the well-meaning and the not-so-well-meaning ones.
The problem here is, some people around us hate our guts and are completely against us having our own game and rules. First they try to convince you, and then they ridicule you and then they try imposing their rules on you.
The bad news here is, they sometimes never give up. But the good news is, you don’t really have to bother.
Let’s take our families for instance. I’ve come across parents who speak so much about empowering young girls and raising them as independent individuals and then go on to create a big fuss because their daughters demand the same. I’ve seen people convincing other girls’ parents to send their daughters abroad for studies but when it comes to their own daughters, they wouldn’t want them to step out of the city. Isn’t all this supposed to begin at home, begin with us, before we blame the society?
Many people consider themselves experts in judging and commenting on other’s lives. I’ve seen women gossip endlessly about other women who are successful and are open about what they want in life. These people around shift focus from their lives and start judging every single aspect of our successful heroines. Not that our heroines would be bothered with all the behind-the-scene dramas, but why are we judging people who have every right to live by a different set of rules?
People often forget that respecting women is not something that only men should take care of, even women should learn to respect other women. (Dear Women, if we don’t stand up for our sisters, who else will!)
I’m not generalizing here, but when we have so much going on about allocating a day to celebrate ‘Women’ we might as well try and do justice to it in some small way, all through the year. The onus is on both men and women – to treat women well. People often forget that respecting women is not something that only men should take care of, even women should learn to respect other women. (Dear Women, if we don’t stand up for our sisters, who else will!)
I’ve often heard people complain how badly they’ve been treated by family/peers. Somehow I always feel that in such situations, the mistake is ours. We are letting others treat us badly. Unless we make things clear and stop tolerating such treatment this just wouldn’t come to an end.
… just because you are a woman don’t expect favors or demand others do something for you. You are a woman, and if you want something you are capable of doing it. If you are unable to, request for help, but don’t demand that others do something for you.
Stop complaining, voice out your thoughts, stop tolerating others’ nonsense, stand up for yourself, be firm and learn the art of saying No (or ditch the art and just say No. Simple!). Don’t allow others to influence your thoughts too much, or for their words to affect you unnecessarily. It’s their right to speak, it’s your right to ignore.
At the same time, just because you are a woman don’t expect favors or demand others do something for you. You are a woman, and if you want something you are capable of doing it. If you are unable to, request for help, but don’t demand that others do something for you. Please don’t behave badly in front of the world and spoil it for people who are doing a brilliant job living their lives as per their wishes and yet not hurting the sentiments of others.
If you want to see the change, be the change. Inspire people to follow and let your actions do the work – whether it is the way you treat others or the way you would like to be treated. Remember all of us are here on our own missions and we have much better things to focus on than getting involved unnecessarily in others’ lives. We are running towards a goal that others might not be even aware of. So let’s focus on what we’ve planned for us. Let’s not try to deviate just to please everyone. It’s impossible to try to please everyone, every time. You don’t have to and you don’t need to either!
Published earlier here.
Image source: confident young woman by Shutterstock.
A Blogger from Chennai, now in Sydney, Australia. I like writing on habits, productivity, and life experiences. When I'm not writing, I read, try to balance being a foodie & a fitness enthusiast, and make read more...
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What I loved was how there is so much in the movie of the SRK we have known, and also a totally new star. The gestures, the smile, the wit and the charisma are all too familiar, but you also witness a rawness, an edginess.
When a movie that got the entire nation in a twist – for the right and wrong reasons – hits the theatres, there is bound to be noise. From ‘I am going to watch it – first day first show’ to ‘Boycott the movie and make it a flop’, social media has been a furore of posts.
Let me get one thing straight here – I did not watch Pathaan to make a statement or to simply rebel as people would put it. I went to watch it for the sheer pleasure of witnessing my favourite superstar in all his glory being what he is best at being – his magnificent self. Because when it comes to screen presence, he burns it, melts it and then resurrects it as well like no other. Because when it comes to style and passion, he owns it like a boss. Because SRK is, in a way, my last connecting point to the girl that I once was. Though I have evolved into so many more things over the years, I don’t think I am ready to let go of that girl fully yet.
There is no elephant in the room really here because it’s a fact that Bollywood has a lot of cleaning up to do. Calling out on all the problematic aspects of the industry is important and in doing that, maintaining objectivity is also equally imperative. I went for Pathaan for entertainment and got more than I had hoped for. It is a clever, slick, witty, brilliantly packaged action movie that delivers what it promises to. Logic definitely goes flying out of the window at times and some scenes will make you go ‘kuch bhi’ , but the screenplay clearly reminds you that you knew all along what you were in for. The action sequences are lavish and someone like me who is not exactly a fan of this genre was also mind blown.
When Jaya Bachchan speaks her mind in public she is often accused of being brusque and even abrasive. Can we think of her prodigious talent and all the bitter pills she has had to swallow over the years?
A couple of days ago, a short clip of a 1998 interview of Jaya and Amitabh Bachchan resurfaced on social media. In this episode of the Simi Grewal chat show, at about the 23-minute mark, Jaya lists her husband’s priorities: one, parents, two kids, then wife. Then she corrects herself: his profession – and perhaps someone else – ranks above her as a wife.
Amitabh looks visibly uncomfortable at this unstated but unambiguous reference to his rather well-publicised affair with co-star Rekha back in the day.
Watching the classic film Abhimaan some years ago, one scene really stayed with me. It was something Brajeshwarlal (David’s character) says in troubled tones during the song tere mere milan ki yeh raina. He says something to the effect that Uma (Jaya Bhaduri’s character) is more talented than Subir (Amitabh Bachchan’s character) and that this was a problem since society teaches us that men are superior to women.
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