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Love can be a many-splendored thing. Here, a mother writes a letter to her 2-year old daughter, of thoughts on love that occur now, to be read and understood in the future, when she shall need this wisdom.
You are going to be two years old in a few months. Writing a letter about love to someone as tiny as you might sound absolutely insane. Still, I write this because I can feel butterflies in my stomach whenever I think about how times will change when you will have to handle relationships in your teenaged years.
The anxiety that springs up in me whenever I am reminded of the umpteen mistakes that I made in relationships in life, and my wish that you shouldn’t make them in your life urges me write this to you. I know that writing will make more sense than talking about this to you at an age where your rebellious hormones will inevitably dominate your biological system.
Love is primarily about giving because only that is in YOUR control. It’s all but natural to expect the other person to love you back in the same way as you do. But more often, it doesn’t happen. Even if it happens, it may not be consistent. This must not discourage you from loving the other person more.
Just like how you have your way of expressing love, the other person might love you in their own way. It is important for you to recognize that and appreciate their way of loving you. For instance, I used to buy a lot of gifts for your dad during our courtship period. I always tried to understand what he loved to eat and learnt to cook those dishes for him. For him, love was about spending time with each other even if it was in silence. A relationship is successful if you have identified what love means to both of you and put it into practice together.
Nothing more and nothing less. A relationship grows a million times when you you value respect as an important aspect. You have to respect the other person emotionally as well as physically. Avoid judging their decisions and actions. Instead try to understand why they made those decisions. Empathy will nurture a healthy relationship.
It will come to you at the right time. If you keep looking for the right kind of love, you might end up disappointed. In fact, nobody can be Mr. Right for anyone. People change, everyday. You and I evolve at the beginning and end of each day because our exposure and knowledge keeps widening through our experiences. We have to accept it and not allow the changes to dampen the love we have for the other person.
Love is vulnerable. Negative emotions such as ego, anger can eclipse love at several instances. Understand that even these negative emotions are temporary. Do not let them kill the love in your relationship. Also, accept that love can fade in some of your relationships.
Love doesn’t mean you become submissive to the other person’s wishes and desires. Love is about being able to have your space for opinions, decisions and wishes and at the same time, give that space to your partner. Be assertive about mutual consent too. It is important to establish this understanding right from the beginning of your relationship and create an adaptive path ahead, together.
It is only human to make mistakes. Something or someone becomes ‘past’ because you deserve a better future. Don’t be hard on yourself for that. Instead, accept it as a part of your learning curve. Learning curves are not just part of academics; relationships also thrive because of learning curves that are understood and accepted. You might now want to ask me why I write this letter to you instead of letting you learn from your mistakes. I do not want my lessons from the past to disappear in thin air. To take these or not, is up to you.
When you are in love, you need to forgive each other at the end of every day. Let go of silly arguments, mistakes made out of ignorance and instances where you tried to provoke each other’s emotions. Talk it out, understand what went wrong and let go. In love, it is important to treat every misunderstanding as an opportunity to understand each other better.
I hope you experience relationships in life that will enrich you every moment.
Wishing you all happiness forever,
Image source: heart bubbles by Shutterstock.
Mother of a two year old, with lots of dreams and aspirations for myself and
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