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Your decision to end a bad a relationship could be a sign that you have a certain strength of character and courage, rather than a weakness!
Whenever the divorce of a famous couple gets hash-tagged in today’s media, we have numerous (judgemental) conversations doing the rounds immediately.
A: Did you know they spent crores and crores for the marriage? And today, this is all it is. B: These people have a lot of money. So they do not bother parting ways like this. They can use their money to set their lives straight again. C: Those on the top strata of the society feel free to do what they want to do in life. Only those of us in the middle class keep thinking about what the society will say about us if we take such a decision.
But in reality, that might not be the case. I personally know a lot of people from the middle class strata who have taken a strong stand in their relationship and chosen divorce. A divorce is not a symbol of shame. In my opinion, it is a courageous decision.
Your relationship is an exercise to choose the one whom you want to be with for the rest of your life. The decision to walk out of a relationship is not at all easy. So I would like to talk in this post on why I feel a genuine break-up or a genuine divorce is actually a sign of courage of both the individuals.
If you have decided to break-up,
Be it a man or woman, you need to think through again in a relationship at the first sign of disrespect from either side. It is not easy to identify disrespect in a loving relationship but sometimes it does occur. You must be really bold to have taken a stand against disrespect and decided to move on.
In fact it doesn’t matter, what comments you will hear or what judgements people will pass. You have been strong enough to move on from someone whom you thought wouldn’t be the right fit for you for the rest of your life.
One walks into a relationship only when they feel that a lot of love exists there. The love grows with time. But at a point, we need to look beyond love. Sometimes promises aren’t kept. Trust is breached with respect to the personality we put up in front of the partner and the personality we truly are. It is not easy to let go of that attachment when both of them decide to part ways.
Everyone needs their own private space in a relationship and any efforts on either side to intrude into that space cannot be taken easily. It is but natural to become dependent on each other when in a relationship, but you have been clear about when you need that independence. You parted ways because the relationship was turning a threat to that independence and you have been bold enough to hold on to your individuality.
All relationships change you knowingly or unknowingly. But there comes a point in some relationships when you lose your real self. That is a threat to none other than YOU yourself. By parting ways, you have proved that you are clear about your own personality. You have realized that this will not work in the long run. So you had the guts to leave.
Any form of abuse – emotional, financial, physical or verbal is a threat to a long term relationship. Parting ways because you understood the consequences that abuse will have in the long run, is a commendable effort. In the true sense, one would never abuse the person they love, in any form. That is the moment to understand that your love is fading. At that point, you either make an effort to correct course, else part ways boldly.
Compatibility in all forms – physical intimacy, emotional connect is all essential for a successful relationship. By your decision to part ways, you have actually tried not to fool yourself by believing that this compatibility will eventually grow. You were sure of how it is going to shape up.
So, in my opinion, in all ways and means, making a decision to part ways shows that you have displayed stability and strength. It is not easy to overcome the thoughts about the days together and the lovely gestures exchanged. But, you have understood that fact that sometimes, love might not be forever even if it was promised in the beginning.
A separation commands respect for courage. No judgement is necessary.
Published earlier here.
Image source: decision to end a bad relationship by Shutterstock.
Mother of a two year old, with lots of dreams and aspirations for myself and
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