Finding My Freedom As A Mother

Posted: August 26, 2015

A mother talks about her journey to freely parent her sons, rather than following the dictum of the society; also in the process find herself.

This post is one of the part of a special series on #FreedomToBe, where we share stories about one’s relationship status and the judgment that often comes with it. 

A couple of days back I happened to read an article titled ‘What Your Star Sign Says About Your Mothering Style’ by an online daily in which they said that “the ruler of your motherhood house is a zodiac sign that’s quite different from your sun/birth sign. As a result, becoming a mom will bring out an entirely different facet of her personality- one that could feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar at first.”

This article really struck a chord with me, as ever since I’ve undertaken this parenting journey, my whole world revolves around my kids and yet I feel that I’m still trying to find my feet as a mother to do the best I can possibly do for my little ones.

There have been so many times in the last two years that I’ve really felt so shackled in by the ‘Mom Culture’ that I feel like I am raising someone else’s kids. As far as I can remember, I have been a people pleaser, so it has been a struggle for me to take ownership of my mothering because I’ve always been inclined to please other people and follow their ‘motherhood rules.’

This ‘Mom Culture’ is a very restrictive thing, and it’s everywhere around you, like the air you breathe, which you just can’t escape it. The expectations from moms everywhere are always so unrealistic and they are just meant to know everything about being a mother right from the time their kids are born. While I don’t doubt the maternal instinct that kicks in as soon as our bundles of joy are placed in our arms, I do have a problem with the society that scrutinizes every move of ours which leads to anxiety of the highest order.

In my motherhood experience, all this anxiety leads to a lot of rules, some sensible and some not so sensible to conform to society’s ideal of what is right and wrong. These rules are derived more from what people will say if we don’t follow.

The parenting style of moms goes on to default settings as the need to please others and conform to society’s standards of being a ‘Good’ mom, and this often takes the focus away from actual parenting from decisions like which milk to give the kids to which school to send them to and so on. Also, you deal with issues like if you are giving them too much or the big question if your parenting really working.

So this Independence Day, two years into my motherhood journey, I have finally taken the decision to be free- wherein I give myself the #FreedomToBe the mom I’ve always wanted to be, in the process letting go of the need to please others around me in the way I mother and bring up my precious sons, my lifelines. Without the safety net of the Mom Culture, I and my kids will learn to fly. We know sometimes we will land hard. But that’s ok because on other occasions we will soar!

So how exactly do I intend to find freedom in my mommy journey? Here’s how:

  • I will capture every random thought of mine that tells me I am ‘supposed’ to do this and ‘expected’ to do that. I will let myself me a mom to my kids who wish to do what they want to do unrestricted, whether it is expected or not. They want to go splash in the rain, I’ll go jump in the puddles with them. They want to get up at midnight for a story, I’ll read their favorite fairytales to them. I’ll let them be- and in the process find ‘myself.’
  • I will remind myself of the fact that the Almighty trusted me to do a great job as a mom and therefore gave me my twin blessings. At the end of the day, I do not have to answer anyone but God, who trusts that I will be a great caregiver and a fabulous parent.
  • I will trust my instincts when I can’t abide by ‘the rules.’ Parenting is a calling, and I will rely on myself to take good decisions as a mom to nurture my kids to the best of my abilities.
  • I will not be a people pleaser anymore, rather, I will attempt to please myself as a mother and please my kids to give them the childhood that they are entitled to, filled with love and joy- wherein they can grow unfettered and fearless to become the strong individuals that every mom dreams her kids will be.

Have I found the freedom yet? I’m trying, and every day is a new day, a new experience, a new journey. Finding my freedom in my motherhood journey is an ongoing process, one that teaches me new lessons everyday!

Cover image via Shutterstock

Doting mommy to fraternal twin toddler boys, in my earlier avatar I was an Architect,

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