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Many of us judge those who attempt suicide as selfish, or uncaring for others. It is important to not be judgmental of a person already in grief.
They are sorry because they know how difficult it will be for you to deal with the grief.
They have put themselves in the shoes of someone who survives death (by self-harm) of a loved one. They have visualised you in the situation, replayed your reactions in their heads multiple times and imagined how long it will take for you to heal.
Those are the exact thoughts that stopped them from taking that step on multiple occasions. They had pulled back so many times, but were continuing to circle the drain. Then the spinning had to stop. They went ahead with their plans because they believe the pain you would go through now would be much less than if you had to bear with them alive. It does not mean they are not sorry.
They are sorry for all the time and effort you put in trying to help.
The day you came over with a brownie for their 34th birthday. The day you picked them up to go to the doctor because they just could not do it on their own. The day when you cared enough to reply to their distraught messages with the words ‘hang in there’ even from a family gathering. The afternoons you spent watching them sob. The moments you spent in your own head thinking about what you could do to help. The moments you prayed for them.
They are sorry because they wasted those hugs you gave them hoping they would comfort.
Trust me they hugged back tighter hoping for the same.
They are sorry they didn’t do it earlier.
The more they ‘hang in there’ the more they give the illusion of getting better. They are sorry they gave you hope.
They are sorry they built a bond with more people they met recently.
After all if they hadn’t waited, their going away wouldn’t have meant much to these new people.
You wanted so much for them to survive. You wanted your prayers to be answered and to see them happy one day. They know it would have been an inspiring story of triumph. They are sorry they couldn’t complete that story.
Please believe me when I say in those final moments there are just 2 things on their mind: One, they wish they could thank you enough for being there and two, they are sorry and are hoping you will forgive them.
And these couldn’t be truer if they survive the attempt.
If you or anyone you know is feeling suicidal, here are some of the helplines available in India. Please call.
Aasra, Mumbai: 022 27546669
Sneha, Chennai: 044 2464 0050
Lifeline, Kolkata: 33 2474 4704
Pic credit: Anais (Used under a CC license)
The power of stories to inspire change made me turn into a storyteller. I write
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