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Why the double standards for women when it comes to everyday life? If we want our girls to rock, we have to start with the small things
A few months back, I was meeting up with one of my male friends and my aunt was with me. While we were talking, my friend, who is a bachelor, mentioned that he eats food from outside almost every day. To this, my aunt – who is educated, broad-minded, friendly and fun – responded almost instantly, “Oh that’s not good for your health. Get married soon.” Um, excuse me?! She could have said, “Hire a cook” or better yet, “Learn to cook”, but her solution was – Get married, because then someone will cook for you.
So, is that why a girl needs to get married? Of course, there is nothing wrong in a wife cooking for her husband, but surely, the answer to a man’s longing for home food is not marriage? If a girl had complained about eating from restaurants every day, I wonder if anyone would have given her the same suggestion.
I’ve had long hair for as long as I can remember and it was getting to be boring. So I decided to get a pixie cut for a change and headed to the salon. When I explained my preferences to the hair stylist, she paused for a moment, eyed my long locks and asked, “Won’t you husband be angry with you if you cut your hair so short?” I reassured her and asked her to go ahead, but I couldn’t help but ponder over her peculiar question.
If she had said “surprised” or even “shocked”, it wouldn’t have bothered me so much; but angry? For a haircut? Really? So, I need to get my husband’s permission before I can go and cut my hair? I wonder if anybody asks a man, “Won’t your wife be angry if you shave your head?”
Both these incidents are simple, casual occurrences, which are rather unremarkable – except for the glaring double standards. Gender stereotyping is so ingrained in us that often, we don’t recognize it even when it is staring us straight in our eyes. Every day, we come across numerous such instances which we tend to dismiss as being insignificant in the larger scheme of things. However, the truth is that our girls are continuously being sent these messages from a very young age, until they themselves start believing in them.
If we want things to change, then that change must begin with us – within us, within our homes. If we want our girls to rock, then we need to be the agents of change. If we want our girls to grow up into strong and independent individuals, it is high time we changed our attitudes and tackled these double standards that are so widely prevalent in our daily lives. The small things matter too; the small things do add up. So, whether it is encouraging our sons to step into the kitchen or helping our daughters embrace and accept themselves, let’s start today.
Today’s changemaker that we’d like to highlight is FAT or the Feminist Approach to Technology, a New-Delhi based organization that seeks to improve women’s (and especially young women and girls) access to and comfort level with technology.
FAT believes that as technology evolves and continues to be a crucial determinant of one’s quality of life, it is important for women from all walks of life, to be able to use it in their work and home life. To this aim, FAT runs a technology center for women besides technical training programs and advocacy in schools, colleges and other such places where they can reach out to young women. You can read more about FAT’s work in our article on social entrepreneurs in India.
To support FAT’s work, consider becoming a volunteer. Not all of the volunteering roles need a physical presence in Delhi. You can also follow their work via their Facebook page or on Twitter.
Pic credit: Nisha (Used under a Creative Commons license)
Anne John loves to play with words and calls herself a reader, writer, explorer & dreamer. She has a wide range of interests and has recently jumped onto the Mommy Vlogger bandwagon! read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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