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An Indian mom teaches her young son about expressing love and communicating his feelings.
The little boy was angry. He kept saying he was. He built barricades with his toys at the door to each room. Everyone was amused. He looked utterly cute. It ceased being cute when the boy protested at potty time, and then refused to bathe. An hour passed. He finally did bathe and all was quiet for a few minutes. That was when it dawned on the mother.
Just then he came out of the bathroom wailing. The mother rushed to hug him. As she held him tight and they snuggled, she said she loved him. She said it again. She stroked his back. He calmed down.
Then, she asked him how he felt. He said he was angry. ‘What did that mean?’ she asked. What did he want? He said he wanted to be shown love. ‘I know’ she said, ‘I know’. He continued talking. He said he felt he was not loved, because she had not done what he wanted. It was a simple thing, but she hadn’t done it. If she loved him why would she not do what he wanted? Ergo, she didn’t love him. So he felt angry.
“It’s better not to love someone so much, that’s the problem”, he wept. She had tears in her eyes too. The boy, all of five, had come to the conclusion that love causes hurt. ‘Don’t think that way. Yes, love can cause hurt, but it also makes you very very happy. Without it, you may not feel hurt, but you will not have the happiness either. Would you rather have lots of happiness and a little bit of hurt, or nothing at all – no hurt and no happy feeling?
She held him close and spoke to him softly. When someone doesn’t do what you want, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Maybe they are busy, or tired, maybe they just don’t want to do it. When I ask you to go down to play, but you don’t, does it mean you don’t love me?’ “No”, he smiled a bit now, “it means I don’t want to, because I’m reading.” “I feel better, very little better”, he added.
But it was not over, she had more to say, ‘No one will understand if you say you are angry. You have to say what you want.’ “You understood”, came the reply. “I’m your mother. No one else will understand. And even me… it took me more than an hour. I didn’t understand for an hour.’ she said. That seemed to disturb him. Why didn’t she understand for so long? All along he had been building walls to make himself be heard, to be understood, to get attention – it had not had the desired effect.
‘Say you want to be hugged, tell people to show you love, if that’s what you want. Otherwise, they won’t understand. And ask with love. Not in anger. If you ask angrily, it will be tough for them to show you love. It will be easier if you ask them with love.’ He sobbed in response “That is very difficult”. ‘I know’ she said, ‘I know. But it has to be done. If you practice from now, it will be better for you. You are starting at five, I began much later’. “I feel little better now”, he said, sounding better.
They hugged some more, kissed each other, talked some more. “My friend X loves me a lot, even if he doesn’t do what I want. I love him a lot… more than I love you, because you’re always with me, I don’t feel the love so much”, said the little voice. ‘That’s why I didn’t understand for an hour’, she explained, ‘Do you see this curtain? You don’t notice it because it’s always there. You say you don’t feel the love much because I’m always around. I’m like this curtain.’ He laughed quietly.
She went on, ‘If you had not been full of love for me, it would not have mattered so much. I didn’t know you would feel this way. You should not treat me like a curtain.’ He smiled and nodded. “I still feel only little better. First it was very little, then little, but after that it’s not increasing fast”, he said. ‘That’s how it will be. No one can help you beyond that. You have to help yourself feel better. Tell yourself you are loved, and start doing something. It will get better gradually’, she left the room.
He got dressed and came out a little later. As he picked up his toys to play, one of the earlier onlookers asked him what happened. “Talk”, came the response. On being probed, he said “About love.”
*Photo credit: h.koppdelaney (Used under the Creative Common Attributions License.)
Arundhati Venkatesh is a children's books author. Her books have won several awards, including the SCBWI Crystal Kite Award 2015 for India, Middle East and Asia for read more...
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Rajshri Deshpande, who played the fiery protagonist in Trial by Fire along with Abhay Deol speaks of her journey and her social work.
Rajshri Deshpande as the protagonist in ‘Trial by Fire’, the recent Netflix show has received raving reviews along with the show itself for its sensitive portrayal of the Uphaar Cinema Hall fire tragedy, 1997 and its aftermath.
The limited series is based on the book by the same name written by Neelam and Shekhar Krishnamoorthy, who lost both their children in the tragedy. We got an opportunity to interview Rajshri Deshpande who played Neelam Krishnamoorthy, the woman who has been relentlessly crusading in the court for holding the owners responsible for the sheer negligence.
Rajshri Deshpande is more than an actor. She is also a social warrior, the rare celebrity from the film industry who has also gone back to her roots to give to poverty struck farming villages in her native Marathwada, with her NGO Nabhangan Foundation. Of course a chance to speak with her one on one was a must!
“What is a woman’s job, Ramesh? Taking care of parents-in-law, husband, children, home and things at work—all at the same time? She isn’t God or a superhuman."
The arrays of workstations were occupied by people peering into their computer screens. The clicks of keyboard keys were punctuated by the occasional footsteps moving around to brainstorm or collaborate with colleagues in their cubicles. Most employees went about their tasks without looking at the person seated on either side of their workstation. Meenakshi was one of them.
The thirty-one-year-old marketing manager in a leading eCommerce company in India sat straight in her seat, her eyes on the screen, her fingers punching furiously into the keys. She was in a flow and wanted to finish the report while the thoughts and words were coming effortlessly into her mind.
Natu-Natu. The mellifluous ringtone interrupted her thoughts. She frowned at her mobile phone with half a mind to keep it ringing until she noticed the caller’s name on the screen, making her pick up the phone immediately.
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