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Why do women judge other women so harshly when we are all trying to do our best? Working women or SAHMs, let us be gentle on each other!
I was chatting with a group of friends.
One of them said it disturbed her that parents leave kids in daycare until late, even as late as 8 p.m. She thought women were too busy going after money and did not care to spend a little time with their children.
This lady, a mother herself, is a career woman too, but made sure she got home in time to spend a few hours with her children.
Another friend remarked that it was alright if the kids were in the care of grandparents or a trusted family member. Daycare options were not good enough and nannies not to be trusted.
This lady has in-laws who take good care of the children in her absence.
Yet another friend felt women should wait until kids are older before resuming (or in some cases, beginning) their careers.
This was a lady who had waited until her son was ten before taking up a job.
See the pattern here?
Every woman is influenced by her own truth. She uses her individual situation and personal beliefs to judge other women. But, won’t other women have circumstances of their own and values that are personal to them, and make decisions guided by them? Is it fair to apply one common rule, a general yardstick to evaluate everyone?
Why then do we women indulge in this occupation of judging?
In the past, I have been guilty of this as well. Is it a need to validate our own decision, to assuage our guilt? Is it envy? Or is it an attempt to help our sisters in the belief that we have greater knowledge or experience?
In truth, our sisters would do better if we didn’t judge them. Because no matter how well we think we know someone, we don’t truly know them. Neither can we put ourselves in their shoes and understand the position they are in.
If we women can’t stand by each other, let’s not expect anyone else to.
Pic credit: Eastop
Arundhati Venkatesh is a children's books author. Her books have won several awards, including the SCBWI Crystal Kite Award 2015 for India, Middle East and Asia for read more...
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For International Day of Elimination of Violence Against Women, let's look at how we 'accept' mothers who avenge violence against their kids, but not wives who fight back.
The silver screen is replete with depictions of male rage and men engaging in violence, but when women engage in violence, even when it is reactionary violence, it doesn’t sit right with us. We allow mothers (as portrayed in Sridevi’s Mom and Raveena Tandon’s Maatr) to avenge their daughters and resort to violence when all else fails, but when the abuser is an intimate partner, the rules appear to be different.
Depictions of female rage on screen garner mixed reactions. We root for protagonists and films we agree with like Mom or Maatr, but there are also films like Darlings which drew flak for its depictions of reactionary violence.
This begs the question, which women on screen are allowed to fight back and why do we root for some of these characters while refusing to see where others come from?
This Generation To Generation Violence towards A Daughter-in-law Needs To Stop!
It is ironic how women in the same home do not think twice before harassing a woman who left her parents and family behind to live with her husband.
“My daughter needs a husband who listens to her. He should leave his family to stay with her after marriage. He should be well-off and not let her do chores.”
“I also need an obedient daughter-in-law, who will be an unpaid servant and a punching bag who shouldn’t have a life of her own.”
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