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A Resolution To Judge No More

Posted: December 31, 2012

I was chatting with a group of friends.

One of them said it disturbed her that parents leave kids in daycare until late, even as late as 8 p.m. She thought women were too busy going after money and did not care to spend a little time with their children.

This lady, a mother herself, is a career woman too, but made sure she got home in time to spend a few hours with her children.

women helping each otherAnother friend remarked that it was alright if the kids were in the care of grandparents or a trusted family member. Daycare options were not good enough and nannies not to be trusted.

This lady has in-laws who take good care of the children in her absence.

Yet another friend felt women should wait until kids are older before resuming (or in some cases, beginning) their careers.

This was a lady who had waited until her son was ten before taking up a job.

See the pattern here?

Every woman is influenced by her own truth. She uses her individual situation and personal beliefs to judge other women. But, won’t other women have circumstances of their own and values that are personal to them, and make decisions guided by them? Is it fair to apply one common rule, a general yardstick to evaluate everyone?

Why then do we women indulge in this occupation of judging?

In the past, I have been guilty of this as well. Is it a need to validate our own decision, to assuage our guilt? Is it envy? Or is it an attempt to help our sisters in the belief that we have greater knowledge or experience?

In truth, our sisters would do better if we didn’t judge them. Because no matter how well we think we know someone, we don’t truly know them. Neither can we put ourselves in their shoes and understand the position they are in.

If we women can’t stand by each other, let’s not expect anyone else to.

Pic credit: Eastop

Arundhati Venkatesh is a children's writer. Her books have won several awards, including the

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  1. I think a need to validate our own decision or to assuage our own guilt is the most common reason why this happens. Hopefully 2013 is a better year in this regard 🙂

  2. I too am guilty of criticising a cousin for giving her job with SBI to take personal care of her daughter. She has no regrets and the daughter is now married and has a child who is looked after by a nanny. As you say it is for the individual to decide. We ought to stand by their choice instead of talking as if our choice is best

  3. Pingback: On judgement « for whom the bell tolls

  4. Pingback: The 'bad' working mother stereotype

  5. Society as a whole criticises women.Men even cook up stories about women. Men support other men no matter what they do thats why we are singled.men cant do this cos they have each other’s secrets to keep 😀

  6. I am guilty of it too.. when i heard a neighbor left to US leaving their 1.5 year old daughter with in-laws… i thought it would impact the baby’s psychological growth. Thank god I didn’t mention it to anyone. I will try and erase such preconceptions henceforth. Thanks for the post

  7. It’s true that we sometimes indulge in judgments not really intending to. These become habits after a period of time. Sometimes it just goes out of hand that we end up feeling guilty after an introspection of ourselves.

  8. So true. I hate the fact that women judge other women more than men do. My father is a government officer and had to be transferred frequently.. sometimes to places where there were no good education available. My parents decided to send my brother and me to hostels at an early age so that our education is not hampered. Some people were so judgmental about this and taunted my mother so much that she developed heart ailments. Today the same people praise her for sacrificing so much when we were young. Only if they had understood her sacrifice when she needed it the most!

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