Can You Choose your Child’s Friends?

As your child grows older, do you worry about their friends or have enough faith in your child that they will choose the right ones?


Now that I am officially a mother and all that…I am thinking…can one choose the friends that your child has? Let’s start with our building. There are some kids of R’s age, one slightly older and most of them much older between 7 to 12 years. The older kids usually just say hello to R and continue to play…the kids of R’s age dont come down before 9 in the night (R is in snoozeland by then) and the only kid who actually plays with R is the one who is slightly older to her, I think about 5.

She plays with her maid who is about 13 or 14. The maid is a really sweet girl who keeps trying to include R in the games if R is downstairs (RD or I are always with R when she goes down to play..somehow I think she is too young to be left alone). I sit aside while the three of them play…

The older girl dominates over R and her maid. She calls her maid by name and addresses her as tu, while I insist that R calls the maid didi and addresses  her as aap. When R tries to argue with me saying, ‘S didi also calls J didi as J’ I give her ‘the look’ which is pretty effective…

And then in R’s daycare…R has been there since she was 1 year old and hence most of her friends are also of her age…some are slightly older but they all are together in it. R’s friends are mainly boys. There are fewer girls of her age in the daycare and R is pretty comfortable with the guys…she is basically a tomboy (albeit a careful one..she won’t just jump off the bench without thought!) and she gels well with the boys.

Anyways, these guys seem to be teaching her funny things nowadays, including the horrible obscene steps of Dabbang’s title song, how Salman Khan is amazing, how to call each other ‘takla’ and stuff….

Someone told me that the children learn good at a daycare, but also the bad and ugly..and slowly I am realising it…

R speaks words which shouldn’t be spoken, bad words, or calling people ‘tu’ or by their names or saying ‘katti’ (will not talk to you) at everything…of course I am kinda over reacting to the situation because most of the stuff she does is definitely out of innocence. I am thinking how can I control this, but I don’t think its right to control the friends she makes..

I don’t remember my parents EVER commenting on my friends…because they were so sure of their upbringing they knew that bro and I won’t do anything wrong…I do remember a phase when my mom was worried about my language, but it was not too long. I know R is too young for me to worry about her falling into bad company and stuff…but I am just wondering..

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As your child grows older, do you really worry about the friends or do you have enough faith in your child that they will choose the right ones ? Even if they choose the wrong friends (can there be wrong friends?) will you tell them to stop interacting with them?

I thought for a while and then decided:

1) I don’t think I am going to have a say on the kind of friends R makes, because at the end of the day, if we have given her the right values, it really doesn’t matter.

2) If her friends are really rude or out of place, I may intervene and then tell her why I think they are right or wrong….

3) Listen, listen, listen…that’s the most important part of parenting I think

Why am I getting so hyper about  a 3 year old you must wonder. Well I don’t know myself…this thought just came to my mind and took form of a post 🙂


About the Author

Rs Mom

R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and baby. Learning the ropes of new motherhood and wanting to spend more time with baby. Running to catch up with read more...

30 Posts | 141,650 Views

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