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When a woman does not have a facebook account to call her own and instead uses her husband's regularly, is it romantic or loss of identity?
I’ve noticed a trend of late among several of my friends which I find quite puzzling. Many of them use their husband’s Facebook account instead of creating one of their own. And I am not talking about people who don’t like using social networks or log in once in a blue moon. These are people who use Facebook regularly, everyday. So I wonder why? Afterall it’s not as if one needs to pay for a FB profile nor is it a terribly complicated task to create one.
So these ladies interact with others using their husband’s profile. In some cases I might know the husband personally but in most, I don’t. This means that when I see them online, there is always a moment’s hesitation before I ping them – not knowing who it is that is online really.
This might seem like a relatively minor issue. After all, when one has committed to sharing one’s entire life, home, sorrows and joys, why not a Facebook account, right? But in my mind it signifies an infringement on my space, virtual as it may well be. I would not want to use my husband as a front for my interactions with other people, nor would I like it if he does so. It’s not that I am hiding a state secret or carrying on a secret affair on Facebook. In fact, at times, I might even ask my husband to log into my account and check out something for me and vice versa. It is just that, to an extent my FB profile reflects me – my ideas, my opinions, things that I ‘Like’. I am not totally defined by my FB profile, but it is indeed a tiny part of my identity and individuality. Using someone else’s profile, even if it is my spouse’s, somehow destroys that little virtual presence of mine and I exist simply as a shadow in his background. It is his friends, his interests and his ideas that would be predominantly present. Mine would get relegated to ALSO present.
Maybe if the husband and wife have a joint profile, say with both their names, I would perhaps think it romantic. But this is not the case. And the strange thing is, none of my male friends use their wives profile as their’s. Does this seemingly innocuous fact, reflect on how we women are content to play second fiddle, neither taking our own dreams, preferences and wishes seriously nor considering our identity and individuality important enough? I am afraid that one day, these women would suddenly wake up and start searching desperately for the ‘Me’ that today they have so gladly renounced. And I am afraid that they will have no one to blame but themselves. Or do you think that I am simply reading too much into a perfectly harmless act?
Anne John loves to play with words and calls herself a reader, writer, explorer & dreamer. She has a wide range of interests and has recently jumped onto the Mommy Vlogger bandwagon! read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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