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I tell everything to RD…I mean every stupid thing like my shoe got stuck on the station or that lady who pushed me or that I had a vada pav today on the way back home…everything not that he has ever asked me…just generally…I just tell him…I am not sure he tells me everything especially office related stuff..but I know he doesnt hide anything from me if you get what I mean..I generally tell him how my day was right upto the detail of my drinking water 3 times, while he just tells me he had a nice day and then if there is anything special like a resignation of of someone I know or a promotion of something I have heard of..he lets me know
Apart from the daily routine, I also tell him all family related stuff…everything…and I am sure he tells me everything as well…
I was talking to my friend N who lives in a joint family with her in laws, older BIL, BIL’s wife and their 7 year old in a one BHK..so its basically 3 families living together in a one BHK..and things do get squeezed for space..if she talks about living separately buying a house nearby there is maha yudh in their house..she has stopped suggesting…
She feels her husband spends everything on the house and her BIL etc take advantage of that fact…she herself earns pretty much and is the only earning female in her family..and she intends to continue to do so..
She told me something that kinda made me surprised..she told me that she bought a house for herself before marriage (which is great!) but she has not yet told her husband that she bought a house..not because she doesnt trust him, but because she doesnt trust her in laws..she says if she tells him, he will tell them and they will ask the house to be transferred to their name..I was pretty much shocked..she told me that the loan was taken from our office and it goes as a part of her salary.. I obviously didnt ask her if it gets shown in the sal slip and if her husband checks it or whatever..
but what stuck me was the hiding part of it..I mean, isnt that weird?
I cant imagine hiding anything from my spouse..it just doesnt make sense…I mean you are spending your whole life with him/her, you may have children with him/her, and so on? How can you hide anything from him?
In N’s case, her husband happens to be a total mama’s boy and tells her everything..but but..I mean…I really dont know how to put this..
I wouldnt hide stuff from RD..at least important stuff…yes trivial things that are not going to affect our lives obviously need not be shared (I share them is a different matter!) but then a house! and not letting your spouse know about it..
or is it that I am making a big issue about it…they are individuals and if they dont feel like sharing they dont..simple?
yaa may be that can be an arguement…
then I thought, will I feel bad if I realise that RD is not sharing everything with me? I realised that I wont feel bad…if it doesnt affect me directly, I really dont care…whats the big deal? I trust him enough to know that if he thinks its important I should know, he will let me know…otherwise whats the point?
But it brings me back to my question
1. What defines honesty in a marriage? What is the level of honesty expected?
2. Isnt marriage different from living with a roomie..I mean you would not tell your roomie everything, but will you tell your spouse everything?
3. Should a spouse share everything in a marriage, and if its not shared, is it wrong? and by everything, I mean big things like a house..though people like me also share stuff like I contributed 500 Rs to my friend’s farewell and stuff
4. If the spouse has a valid reason not to share (like in case of N who fears the house wil be made in her in laws name) does that mean that the marriage is not strong enough? (I must state that they have been married only for over an year now)
R’s Mom is a working mother in Mumbai trying to balance work, home and baby. Learning the ropes of new motherhood and wanting to spend more time with baby. Running to catch up with read more...
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