Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
We may have pujas to invoke blessings of women who predeceased their spouses but what about respecting and caring for the one who lost theirs?
My mother in law expired recently and as part of the rituals for the departed we had something called ‘sumangali pooja.’ The pooja involves involves invoking the blessings of the women in the family who have predeceased their spouses.
While the rituals were on, I overheard our invited guests, exclaiming how lucky they would be if they died a sumangali. And mind you, among them some young, educated, financially independent women too.
Appalled, my thoughts moved back to my young, not so educated aunt from a rural hamlet who was widowed at thirty eight. My aunt had to face both the apathy of her older women relatives and sometimes the unwelcome lecherous gaze of her male relatives. She moved to a larger town, if only for the anonymity it offered, slowly resurrecting her life, educating her children. Today she is a stock market wizard and we are proud of her.
Closer to home, my music teacher, in her late thirties, found herself widowed just when her musical career dreams were taking flight. Shattered emotionally, undergoing psychological counselling, she is rebuilding her life day by day.
When a senior doctor’s sister lost her husband at 40 after a prolonged battle with brain cancer, I was dismayed to hear the doctor say, “My poor sister. Her life is over. She has nothing to live for.” I was horrified to hear my progressive, feminist mentor speak so.
And I guess our rituals and cultural practices surrounding death have a lot to do with it. We honour our sumangalis.
But how about honouring our widowed or divorced women also who struggle to face everyday challenges – emotional, physical and financial? The ones who are discriminated by women colleagues at work, ogled at by random men, ostracised from auspicious family gatherings? Should we not celebrate their effort to conquer their pain?
What gives sumangali women this superiority over the widowed women? As women we should understand better the plight of single women and strive for their integration.
Some of our traditions and customs are archaic and it is time we become truly progressive by abolishing outdated, prejudicial practices. How can we ask the other gender for equality when we women have biases ourselves? Especially when the bias involves the presence or absence of the husband?
Picture credits: Still from Netflix’s Stories From Rabindranath Tagore
read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
Please enter your email address