Check out 16 Return-To-Work Programs In India For Ambitious Women Like You!
Instead, we women give solutions and try to help too much. If he needs money, she tries to arrange that for him too. Why?
Love has many forms.
Born as a woman, nurturing comes instinctively. We take care of our children; we have motherly feelings, and we are natural givers. The mothers themselves bring boys up in our society as takers.
A woman falls in love. She gives so much of herself that she worships the ground he walks on. She puts him first.
Too much love makes the woman her boyfriend’s or husband’s therapist. She doesn’t understand until it’s too late. Pampering the man is her way of expressing love. Nothing is wrong with that.
What happens to him when he receives this kind of love? He accepts it initially with a lot of joy and with a lot of gratitude. Responding lovingly, he indulges her, too. Eventually, he sees his own mother’s image in her. The man is taking her for granted. And she continues to love blindly. Unable to see that fine line, she ceases to be his girlfriend, his wife, and love interest. Almost turning into his mother or therapist, she gives him solutions when he discusses things with her. They stopped being friends.
What happens? When we talk about problems, we don’t need to receive or give advice. Just listen. Empathize. Be there!
Instead, we women give solutions and try to help too much. If he needs money, she tries to arrange that for him too.
What happened to him? He is taking her for granted. She’ll always be there. It’s her job to support him. He had made the fatal error.
She supports him. She loves him, and she stands by him through thick and thin, but she also knows when to say no. But the woman’s “NO” comes at the saturation point.
By now, she has taken enough nonsense from him. He has no clue. The breakup begins.
Reality dawns. The woman is deeply hurt. The distancing begins. Preparing herself mentally, she takes charge of her life. He is blissfully unaware. By now, the gap is a chasm. There is no deep communication. She’s become his “pseudo mom.” He had long forgotten that he needed to support her and hold her hand. Be her man and give her a shoulder to cry on occasionally. Be her friend.
The woman has reached her saturation point. Now there is no going back. If you notice, in most cases, it’s the woman who takes the first step to start a separation because she dares to stand by her convictions.
There is no return. It is time to ‘move on’.
I am telling you this entire story today because I want every woman to stop taking this nonsense from day one. She needs to stand up for herself and make her own relationship choices to communicate better with her companion. Articulate about what she wants and what she doesn’t want.
I’m very sure a man will appreciate an honest partner who is tough. Yes, he must, from day one. Now is the time for men and women to behave like true partners and take on responsibilities equally.
Why? because they are getting the same education. They are being brought up in the same way by their parents. The woman is no longer the martyr, and the man should not be the taker. They must work and walk in an equal partnership to live happily and bring up children. If they want to have children, that is a debate for another day. It is unnecessary to have children to have a good relationship or marriage.
It is important to love each other, share, and care for each other.
I speak with authority, having been my ex-husband’s therapist, confidante, supporter, and pseudo parent for years before I said “NO to Nonsense” and set out on a journey to find myself. I would want none of my tribe to waste so much time struggling to adjust to unhappy situations. I write to remind myself not to make the same mistakes in my second marriage.
Loving and prioritising myself is a form of love.
Thank you!
Image Source: Still from short film Ek Chhoti Si Ego/Mirage Miracle, YouTube
Bindiya is a linguist and works for a diplomatic mission in New Delhi. She is a published author, reluctant poet, passionate bibliotherapist and a happiness harbinger. Her heart beats in her community-building volunteer organization - “ read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
Please enter your email address