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In a matrimonial alliance, convention dictates that the bride must be younger than the groom, and this rule is stringently followed in India even today.
The subject disgusted me when a suitable proposal was turned down by my family based on age parity. We have a joint family and we are looking for a match for the elder son. I recommended a ‘girl’ who is my distant relative, not related to the groom.
The girl is suitable in all aspects, but still, they rejected her because her age is very close to that of the ‘boy’. “A girl of a similar age will not be controlled” is the reason given.
This annoyed me no end, but I kept quiet because there was no use arguing with this mindset.
In the name of ‘Ghar ki Laxmi,’ we bring a subservient daughter-in-law into our homes because we want to keep an ‘upper hand’. This is the abysmal picture in our society, and is unabashedly practised.
A bigger age difference skews the power balance. Younger the bride more immature she is compared to the groom. It’s easy to manipulate her, and we have a docile daughter-in-law we can control!
From the very beginning, this daughter-in-law is burdened with lessons on morality and propriety to inculcate sacrificial attributes into her personality. This curbs her self-development clouds her discernment power and molds her into a tractable individual. She fails to read the situations and evaluate right over wrong.
This creates favourable circumstances to keep the bride under the thumb. It is done very smartly with smooth-talk setting a dominant ambiance around her. She is indoctrinated with the belief that sacrifice and compromises are part of a woman’s life which gradually turns her into a more complacent being. The entitled in-laws demand respect from the bride, and she thinks that pleasing the entire family is her foremost duty; she becomes submissive.
And if at all she questions anything, she will be gas-lighted, a boisterous noise will be cooked up to drown her voice.
In-laws everywhere – let’s switch from control freaks to become supportive of our daughters-in-law. The old days have gone, we are in the midst of the 21st century and if your daughter-in-law begins to protest and speak her mind, you will be nowhere. In the past girls were usually confined inside society drawn lines due to a lack of education and exposure, but the times have now changed.
So Ladkewalo, waqt rehte apni soch badal dalo. (Groom’s side in-laws, please change your thinking in time.)
Image source: a still from the film Hum Aapke Hain Kaun
I am more expressive with the pen. Usually my subjects are - Obsolete Social Norms that hamstrung women in myriad ways. I too an environmentalist and gazing at nature is like my healing prayer. My conscience read more...
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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