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After a late-night conversation with a friend on how people, mostly men, send unsolicited messages on social media, I started thinking about this piece.
These unsolicited messages are not necessarily sexually loaded. These can be the one word ‘Hi’ or the question ‘How are you?’ One might wonder how these seemingly harmless texts can bother anyone. Do women overthink? But then, there is a pattern.
Most of these messages are not from people we ‘know well’ but acquaintances who are part of our social media timelines. They get added as part of network building or because there are several mutual friends and followers. But then, these people, primarily men, take the liberty to message and try to converse. There is another pattern – these messages are mostly sent in the night.
For many women, it becomes bothersome. After completing their day, it is the only time they get to themselves and want to spend in peace. It is the time to scroll through social media without talking to anyone for many of us.
One may think that it is no big deal. One can just ignore them and not reply. But it is not an easy task. When one does not answer, there are always chances of getting a text that says – ‘You are online, why are you not replying?’ The assumption that if a person is online means that they should converse governs their expectations.
It is a peril with the chat services of Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp, which shows who is online, and as such, it becomes tough to avoid calls and/or messages.
However, it is not just the expectation to respond. There is another peril of being ‘online’. Like many other things, women are also policed for being online, particularly at night.
Two of my friends have been told by barely acquainted men that ‘good girls are not online late in the night’. A few others have said that they have been asked if they are looking for romantic partners since they are online till so late.
The assumptions that govern these behaviors are rooted in the belief that women want attention, and it is acceptable to message them.
Similarly, the word ‘dear’ is very casually used in conversations and comments. One can find messages beginning and/or ending with dear or the short form ‘dr’ – again from barely acquainted people.
Sociological debates on public spaces have shown how access to seemingly public things like roads, transportation services, gardens, parks, etc., are gendered.
In their landmark book, Why Loiter? Women and Risk on Mumbai Streets (2011), Shilpa Phadke, Sameera Khan, and Shilpa Ranade argue that women do not have the same access to public spaces as men. Loitering – the act of standing, waiting, and/or roaming around purposelessly – is a luxury that only men have. Women loitering invite stares, comments, and harassment.
The same right to loiter is limited for women even in the digital sphere. The simple act of online inviting unwanted texts and comments. Thus, even the everyday experience of being ‘online’ is gendered.
Image Source: Eugenio Marongiu, Canva Pro
Dr. Rituparna Patgiri teaches in the Sociology department at Indraprastha College for Women (IPCW), University of Delhi. read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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