Over the years, your support has made Women’s Web the leading resource for women in India. Now, it is our turn to ask, how can we make this even more useful for you? Please take our short 5 minute questionnaire – your feedback is important to us!
My younger one chirped in instantly, "Why Dadi? Are we not important enough to use it? Ma says that the best things are to be used by us for we are the most precious people in her life."
My younger one chirped in instantly, “Why Dadi? Are we not important enough to use it? Ma says that the best things are to be used by us for we are the most precious people in her life.”
They say that motherhood is a thankless 24-7 job.
They say that you are slaves to your children’s whim and fancy.
They also say that if your child misbehaves it is your upbringing but if she/he succeeds, it is his father’s genes!
So, naturally as I walk their journey from toddlers to teenagers, I can’t help but second guess myself. Am I being too friendly? Am I doing the right thing when I insist on equality amongst the sons and the daughters of the house? Am I right in squashing patriarchy right at its stem?
My daughters and I share a relationship that has trust at its roots. No matter how difficult a situation may arise, they always have the comfort that Ma is there. And visa versa. Off late, I have been feeling suffocated in the home I called my own for the past 2 decades! It is more because of the mother in law than the quiet husband who prefers to keep his silence in the aim of buying peace!
But if everything I do gets reverted back to its original form, if every change I make gets an eyeful that ‘good things are for the guests’, then there is a certain disconnect that arises. I have taught my children to live within our means. Yes, we splurge occasionally but at the tender age of 17 and 19, they understand the importance of hard work and savings. One of the things that I resent the most is when the entire house gets a transformation when the GUEST arrives. Are we, the people who make this a home not good enough to use the wedgewood or the hand embroidered bedsheet? Inspite of being able to afford the best, are we supposed to live with the most faded worn out bedcovers or tablemats just so the good ones can be kept for guests?
On one regular day, I decided to take the bone china out much to the mother in law’s annoyance. “It will break. I have saved it for 30 years for the guests. Now my work load has increased as I will only have to wash them.”
My younger one chirped in instantly, “Why Dadi? Are we not important enough to use it? Ma says that the best things are to be used by us for we are the most precious people in her life. And its a piece of inanimate crockery. If its breaks, it breaks. Atleast we had the pleasure of eating in it.”
My older one joined in and said as though preempting my glare. “Ma, I am not back answering but this is enough. You can’t live a life where you are not allowed to use things, where you have to hear so much just because you took the damn bone china out for your own children.”
There was pin drop silence on the dinner table that night as both my daughters got up and came to me. I choked to fight back my tears as they spoke. “There is too much importance given to things in our house for other people. But for Ma, it was always us. It started with her letting us use the fancy button pencilbox which came from America, as opposed to the one you never let Dad use as it would get spoilt. It started with the clothes she bought us and let us wear, which you never let Dad wear in his younger years. But now, this ends here. It ends with us living in a house that is ours, not some guest’s who comes for a few days. It ends with our Mother using her interior decoration aesthetics and creating a home that she’s always wanted for us. For this is our Mother’s house and it always will be!”
I looked at both my girls, and cried as I held them close. I cried because at that very moment, I realized that I had given them the greatest gift of all – ‘To believe that they were truly precious and not accept anyone treating them any lesser than they treat themselves!”
Image source: SBI Khushiyon ka Card/ YouTube
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, sign up and start sharing your views too!
Pooja Poddar Marwah is an Indian author and blogger. (October 22,1978) Her foray into writing began in a parking lot, whilst she was waiting for her kids’ co-curriculars to get over.
Her debut read more...
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!
If you want to get back to work after a break, here’s the ultimate guide to return to work programs in India from tech, finance or health sectors - for women just like you!
Last week, I was having a conversation with a friend related to personal financial planning and she shared how she had had fleeting thoughts about joining work but she was apprehensive to take the plunge. She was unaware of return to work programs available in India.
She had taken a 3-year long career break due to child care and the disconnect from the job arena that she spoke about is something several women in the same situation will relate to.
More often than not, women take a break from their careers to devote time to their kids because we still do not have a strong eco-system in place that can support new mothers, even though things are gradually changing on this front.
A married woman has to wear a sari, sindoor, mangalsutra, bangles, anklets, and so much more. What do these ornaments have to do with my love, respect, and commitment to my husband?
They: Are you married?
They: But You don’t look like it
Me: (in my Mind) Why should I?
Why is being married not enough for a woman, and she needs to look married too? I am tired of such comments in the nearly four years of being married.
I believe that anything that is forced is not right. I must have a choice. I am a living human, not a puppet. And I am not stopping anyone by not following any tradition. You are free to do whatever you like to do. But do not force others. It’s depressing.