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How Difficult Is It To Search For Love In A Loveless Society

Are we losing touch with reality by holding onto cultural notions which need to keep pace with today's society?

Are we losing touch with reality by holding onto cultural notions which need to keep pace with today’s society?

India is a big nation with vast cultures, languages and diverse set of people living in it. To the outside world people in this country have created a myth.  The best cultured people are living here and that our culture is something to be preserved or protected at all “cost”. This “cost” is what has been haunting us for years.

In the West, marriage between two people is when the two people have known each other, respect each other for years before committing themselves to marriage. Because it is a huge commitment that not everyone can go through without wanting it. At times, people tend to breakup their commitment towards each other even after living together for many years without being married. That is something definitely frowned upon in our culture.

Here we get married for many strange reasons. Because our parents wish for it. Our grandparent’s wants to see you get married before they die. You are growing old or you are settled in a good job. All of these are acceptable except for the reason that you want to or you found someone you love. Because for us, the Western culture is the most vile that we never should practice. Even NRI’s take the same approach to approach with few exceptions of course!

Honor is valued more than life

Why the world is love so frowned upon here? That people who love each other are killed by their own family. Matchmaking for the marriage is done quite differently that matching your caste and religion is way more important than the likes of two people who are involved in the marriage.  Families are even ready to kill for such instances. This is happening all across the country, lot of violence because of intercaste marriages. From schools children are brought up by saying that should not involve in  activities that are against our family honor. For us our honor is important, listen to your parents they know better and so on.

This has been the case for more than a century and been followed till now even among the educated. Despite all the developments, the one thing which we devote a lot of effort to is our culture. This culture is responsible for the patriarchy that is indulged by the men of this society. The two people loving each other, expressing their love for one other in public is seen as offence. The moral policing starts there but an act of domestic violence is seen as internal affair between the husband and wife. This is the culture that we are so proud of, that we consider superior than the rest of the world. Honestly, there is nothing to be proud of.

Growing culture of exclusion 

Today I saw a meme circulating in the social media that was quite funny and important one. The meme states that society saying that listen to your parents they know about everything, the reply was” just ask them about what is LGBTQ is?” you’ll know the answer.  It’s obviously true that homophobia is a very serious issue in our society which needs a lot of understanding and learning. In pride month, the importance of being an ally even we are straight is vital. Because I have been reading some confessions in social media from people from the LGBTQ community.

Their suffering because of society not accepting them is really heart wrenching. Saying that it is unnatural and if your son/daughter in LGBTQ trying to change them by any means and lending no support from family, friends and society is really bad. Friends making fun of them in front of everyone, family treating them bad saying that they bring dishonor to the family name have caused lot of lost love and even resulted in suicide. This is what our superior culture has succeeded in. Why is it hard to understand that ‘love is love’ why should they paint it with caste, religion, male, female?

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Love is love-there is no rule to it

Even when a couple are living together without being married they are seen as a bad example for the society. Women are slut shammed, pre-marital sex is frowned upon, having so many opposite gender friends is frowned upon. What is that we have established in this so called culture? There is no love in this society and people who find love find it very hard to live that life because this society makes their life a living hell.

This all should change, love is love no matter what, who or why, break the traditional way. There is no rules that one should lead a life like this or that.  We can live however we want, marry whomever we want. Make childfree relationships normal, make being single normal, make LGBTQ relationships normal, make loving pets same as kids normal, there is no one way to lead a life so we have create a community to support people is much important.

Image courtesy – Mayur Gala on Unsplash

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About the Author

Praneash Venkatachalam

A Research Scholar, Bibliophile, Atheist, feminist and an introvert. read more...

4 Posts

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