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Parents who toil away to ensure that the wedding goes off without a glitch, are shamed indirectly for bringing a girl into this world – who cares for their state of minds?
I am a sucker for wedding and reception parties. I wait for the evening when I drape that elegant saree. A dash of make-up, and a couple of accessories – I am ready to rock the event. The mandatory photo session with the couple done, my eyes dart towards the buffet counter.
Yeah, come on, admit it. Don’t we go there for the food? One just have to note how most Indians heap rice and gravy on their plates… Anyway, I digress.
I relish whatever I eat, ignoring aberrations like too much masala in paneer tikka, or the fact that the bride’s father forgot to ask me how the dish was. Come on, the poor man is flustered enough. Then comes the realisation – my husband and I belong to the ‘rare’ category of relatives who are happy with just about anything on the menu. Unlike those uncles and aunties who demand a place at the top of the family pyramid.
Haven’t we seen them? They are the ones for whom a day starts with a fresh tumbler of filter coffee.
Well, nothing wrong in that. But these so-called special people demand that perfect decoction even in a wedding. God forbid if they are not served that. The verdict is out. The bride’s parents are poor organizers.
Yes. Parents who toil away to ensure that the wedding goes off without a glitch, are shamed indirectly for bringing a girl into this world – who cares for their state of minds? The fact that they didn’t arrange for coffee is enough for them to be judged. And the least said about the lunch, the better! There is too much of salt in the raita. Sambhar needed more tamarind. Kheer was not sweet enough. Or – it contained too much sugar to induce diabetes in a healthy person.
Doesn’t this attitude get your goat? Who gave these uncles and aunties the right to run down their own family member just because an item was not to their liking? Why don’t they stay at home and enjoy their homemade food?
But no. They have to attend the function. How else will they flaunt their magnanimous nature? That they are one family. Just sit near them and hear them gossiping – don’t be surprised if they slut shame the bride herself. Oh, did I miss the instructions? That a girl is supposed to behave in a certain way (read coquettish).
Precisely for these reasons, I believe, that a registered marriage would do just fine. Yes, I would miss out on delicious food. But I am fine with it. So long it prevents a family from getting insulted, I would be only too happy to let go of endless cups of ice creams and multiple visits to the paan stall.
I have limited myself to South Indian weddings in this piece; I am sure the experience will be similar in other regions too. Alcohol not sufficient. The quality of fish was not good. The list is inexhaustible. Am I right?
Image source: a still from the film 2 States
I am an IT professional, lost in the monotonous world of Excel. So, I seek refuge in Word, pun intended.
I write for various literary platforms and have quite a few anthologies to my credit.
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I recommend reading Manjiri Indurkar's Origami Aai alongside her memoir to have a fulfilling and enriching experience of telling one's story with grace.
It’s All In Your Head, M famed author Manjiri Indurkar’s debut poetry collection, Origami Aai, is independent and yet an extension of her memoir in which she speaks with utmost grace about all forms of abuses that she has survived. In this book of intriguing and evocative poems, the poet weaves words to form images of the everyday life of her middle-class family, love found and lost, trauma, and healing.
The collection is divided into four segments, beginning with the family, slowly moving towards the world, and finally colliding them together.
We aren’t in mourning, but we are creatures of habit.
So we talk of each one who died of drowning,
and I listen to her stories with the patience
of a chronicler.
– Funereal Stories
When someone accuses you of "too much feminism", what they are really saying is, "I am uncomfortable with you challenging the status quo and disrupting my privilege".
Time and again, there is one phrase that keeps coming up in the social media discourse on feminism. Any guesses?
Ah, no prizes for guessing the infamous “itni bhi feminist” or “too much feminism” phrase, a classic eye-roller for me, and I am sure for many more of my tribe, in the realm of gender equality discussions.
Pray tell me, how can an ideology, a movement be too ‘much’? It’s not salt or the seasoning of your soup where you can go, “Oops, too much salt, only one spoon was required”. Either you stand for what feminism stands for, or you don’t.
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