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Why is it considered 'entirely normal' for the new daughter-in-law of a home to be loaded with all the chores?
Why is it considered ‘entirely normal’ for the new daughter-in-law of a home to be loaded with all the chores?
It is 12:41 a.m. and I am awake, writing. I got married a few weeks ago, with great pomp and show. I was loaded with expensive jewellery and clothes. I looked like the most beautiful bride in the world that day. My father placed my hand in my husband’s and my mother bid me farewell with teary eyes.
I received a nice welcome at my in-laws’ house too. The family consists of seven members, including my husband and his two older sisters (who are my nanad/sisters-in-law), my brother-in-law (or dewar), and my father and mother-in-law. A day passed, then another and another, each with a new sunset, new people, a new way of living, and a new home.
After a few days, I started my office work, from home of course. I work as a full time employee for a firm, and, it seems, for this home too.
Let me give you a peek into my daily schedule.
My day starts at 6:30 a.m in the morning. I get up and greet my mother-in-law by touching her feet. Then I freshen up and take a broom and clean my room. Then, I wash the utensils, make tea for my father-in-law. Later, I take a bath as my mother-in-law has instructed me not to cook for the elders without bathing. I rush back to the kitchen to help my mother-in-law in preparing breakfast. Once the breakfast is ready and I’ve served it, I eat. The moment I finish breakfast, I clean up the kitchen. By 10 a.m. I’m back in my room and start doing my office work. I work till noon because I have to prepare lunch as well.
I spend the next two hours in the kitchen, cooking lunch and washing utensils. After doing all these chores and having lunch myself, I get back to work at 2:30 p.m. I work for the next two hours and then get up to prepare tea for the family. Once again I clean up and sit back down to work till 6:30 p.m. The evening puja is followed by cleaning some utensils of the temple. As I pray, I ask God for more strength to bear with everything, with a smile on my face.
As soon as I am done with my prayers, I get back into the kitchen to prepare dinner. I serve the dinner and then pick up everyone’s plates to put them in a sink to wash them. After cleaning up, I boil the milk to give it to everyone before they sleep. I get back to work at 10:30 p.m. I try finishing it but eventually, I cannot help but fall asleep.
I try to increase my capacity as much as I can, though not a month has gone by since I first came here. I arrived with the hopes of being treated like a queen. But now, I feel like an educated woman who is a maid. I try to escape my days here by wishing for them to pass soon, as my papa had promised to come in January to take me home.
I had so many dreams for my Sasural, all of which have become nightmares. I don’t know if I would ever want to come back here after leaving. My sister-in-law tells me that this is normal for bahus (daughters-in-law) in our part of the world to work so much. And please don’t consider the family to be poor, as the members are well-earning, as a middle class family. This is so normal for all of them that they don’t even recognise my pain.
The last one month here has changed me completely – the happy and cheerful girl in me has turned into a sad woman who fakes her smiles and pushes herself to live each day of her life here. And then this society says, Daughters-in-law are Daughters too!
I don’t know if what I write will have its space and get published. But I wanted to share my pain with the world and so, I did.
Top image is a still from the Hindi serial Ghum Hai Kisikey Pyaar Mein
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UP Boards Topper Prachi Nigam was trolled on social media for her facial hair; our obsession with appearance is harsh on young minds.
Prachi Nigam’s photo has been doing the rounds on social media for the right reasons. Well, scratch that- I wish the above statement were true. This 15-year-old girl should ideally be revelling in her spectacular achievement of scoring a whopping 98.05% and topping her tenth-grade boards. But oddly enough, along with her marks, it’s something else that garners more attention – her facial hair.
While the trolls are driving themselves giddy by mocking this girl who hasn’t even completed her school yet, the ones who are taking her side are going one step ahead – they are sharing her photoshopped pictures, sans the facial hair, looking nothing less than a celebrity with captions saying – “Prachi Nigam, ten years later”.
Doctors have already diagnosed her with PCOD in their comments, based on photographic evidence. While we have names for people shamed for their weight – body shaming, for their skin colour- racism, for their age- age shaming, for being a female- sexism, this category of shaming where one faces criticism for their appearance has no name. With that, it also has zero shame attached to it.
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