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While my married SIL lives with our family, I am not allowed to even meet my parents. No one here seems to understand what I go through!
Almost five years ago, I came into this family as a daughter-in-law. The family included my husband, mother-in-law, father-in-law and my husband’s elder sister. She has been married for a while but stays with her parents.
Okay let me start t the beginning, when my SIL turned 20, her parents started looking for grooms for her. They found hundreds of them and met at least 400 men over a period of nine years but every single guy was rejected.
Now she was nearly 30 and my husband, her brother was ‘coming of age too,’ so her parents decided to get her married that year. The thing is that my SIL had a long check-list of what her husband should be like. He had to be a good-looking, well-settled man who earned a lot of money and most importantly, should do everything she asked him to.
As she grew older, the number of prospective grooms coming to them also reduced. Finally, her parents married her off to someone she had rejected around two years ago. The guy came from a large family who all lived in one flat.
Initially, my MIL was told that the flat belonged to the guy. However, after the wedding, they found out that the whole family of six living in a small flat. So, after a week of her marriage, she came back.
Her husband tried to convince her to go back but she didn’t agree and my in-laws supported her decision. Since her in-laws had already taken her cash, jewellery, a car and land from my in-laws as dowry, they didn’t care if she stayed or not.
For a year, she fought with her husband that she wouldn’t stay with them. And it was around this time that I came into the family. My family hadn’t known about this problem before marriage.
When I entered the house, my MIL would be a little linient with me, but wouldn’t let me visit my parents very often. I hardly visited them once every six or seven months and even then, it was for two or three days. But her daughter continued to stay here.
It continued like this for six more months and I disliked all their double standards. My SIL would wake up at around nine or ten in the morning but I was supposed to be up by six. All the cleaning and cooking had to be completed by nine because we had to leave for work by then. These instructions were given to not just by my MIL but also my SIL. I tried doing it all but I resented them for their behaviour and my husband didn’t say anything either.
Our first anniversary was approaching but her husband came and all our plans had to be cancelled because we had to prepare for the son-in-law. He had found a flat in a different city and convinced his wife to go with him. I was so happy, after two years of her marriage, she was finally leaving. My MIL also was happy to some extent since all of us were fed up of her antics.
Our life was finally back on track. My MIL and I were learning to compromise with each other and adjust to the rules. However, like all the good things, this didn’t last too long, either.
Seven months later, my SIL was back and she was pregnant and her husband couldn’t support her and take care of everything. So she came right back. Her personality mixed with the imbalance of her pregnancy hormones drove us all crazy. At one point of time, I was even ready to divorce my husband since I couldn’t take it anymore.
I wasn’t allowed to go visit my parents because who would take care of the family and the work? Meanwhile, she demanded additional stuff that had to be home-cooked. No one cared that the DIL had come home after nine hours of work and two hours of travel only to start cooking again, with no help at all.
Somehow, eight months went by, and I probably threatened my husband with divorce at least five times. The baby was born, but neither her husband nor their family showed up. On the 23rd day after the baby’s birth, her MIL called and demanded that we give the baby a gold chain and give my SIL gold earrings and her husband a ring. We had to give it all to them because people had now begun to ask why no one came. What’s more, we even had to give a party for the baby’s function. They came, took the gifts and left the next day. Her husband stayed back and now we had an additional headache.
It has been two years since then and her husband has visited twice, her in-laws never came, even on the baby’s first birthday. My husband is taking care of all the responsibilities that a father should and I am the one who has to listen to all of my SIL’s orders.
In fact, my MIL has asked her and her husband to leave a few times, we even helped them financially. However, her husband is very shameless and just stays here. In all of this mess, the distance between my husband and I kept growing. People kept asking us why haven’t we planned our own baby in the two years! Whenever I asked him the same, he simply says, ‘let her go and settle down, then we can plan.’ But how much longer can we even wait?
She and her husband will not leave. In fact, he has now begun demanding that we give him half the property since daughters also have a claim on their father’s property. We agreed to this as well and started the court proceedings to legally add her name. He still did not take her along with him. Around the same time, the COVID-19 pandemic also happened and they just found another reason not to leave.
How long do I need to wait to become a mother? Whom should I talk to about this? My husband doesn’t understand it and my MIL has tried everything to convince her daughter. But my husband is adamant that we won’t have children till his sister is happily settled. My SIL, meanwhile, isn’t ready to stay with her in-laws and her husband isn’t willing to leave his family.
So, when the lockdown opened, I asked my MIL if she would like to go with me. I have decided that I no longer want to stay in a family that happily supports their daughter who is forcing her husband to ‘break away from his family.’ Meanwhile, I am not even allowed to visit my parents!
So today, I gave them an ultimatum that I am leaving for good and that they can sit and do all the work. My bag is packed and ready and tomorrow I am flying to another city.
Let’s see if anything changes, and luckily, my MIL supports me. She’s also told me that if my husband doesn’t listen, I should file for a divorce because even I have the right to live my own life!
So, guys, I start a new life tomorrow, a new morning that would hopefully bring something good.
Picture credits: Still from Hindi TV series Ghum Hai Kisikey Pyaar Mein
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