Can Mothers Truly Detach From Their Children? Let’s Talk!

When raising children, it's usually the kids who get all the attention. However, the mother's emotional state needs attention too

When raising children, it’s usually the kids who get all the attention. However, the mother’s emotional state needs attention too.

I initially bristled at this idea of whether detachment can be a healthy thing. While reliving my memories, I understood that functioning with detachment was unthinkable to me.

But there is another way to look at detachment – the detachment by Mothers.

Motherhood – is the most beautiful feeling in the world which dawns along with a power of great responsibility; one of them being ambivalence between attachment and detachment at the same time.

While mental detachment can never be an option for the child’s growth and to prepare him/her for the world, mothers ought to physically detach.

When my siblings and I left our parents homes for a bright future, their parental nest was lonely and silent.

The strength of mothers

Father’s health went downhill because he couldn’t express his grief at missing us, but mom stood like a pillar to support the far away child and the father.

She never complained or mentioned her breaking heart to us. Her tears were enough to tell us that she would miss us, but as soon as we stepped out, all she did was pray for our safe and better life.

Never miss real stories from India's women.

Register Now

On the 1st day my 2.5 year old niece went to playschool, my sister, who had been adamant about putting her in the best school, had tears in her eyes. That was the first time her first born would be away for 2 hours from her.

The child may not realise this separation, as for him/her it’s a new venture, but the mothers left behind feel happy and sad at the same time, and this feeling cannot be explained.

Mothers know in their hearts that as securely attached children get older, they are better able to tolerate physical distance from their mother. They are still able to communicate with her and they anticipate being comforted upon reunion.

Every sacrifice of this nature that a mother makes is a privilege according to her.

Women’s transition should receive more focus post childbirth

The process of becoming a mother, which anthropologists call ‘matrescence’, has been largely unexplored in the medical community.

Instead of focusing on the woman’s identity transition, research is focused on how the baby turns out. Once the child is out, no one even cares about the mother, including herself, as for her it’s the bundle of joy who needs care and attention.

Also, when I write about motherhood, its not confined to the human race but also extends to the animal kingdom. It’s important to remember that humans aren’t the only ones who take extraordinary steps to protect, nurture and raise their young.

The animal kingdom is flush with moms that take the time to teach their babies how to find food and protect themselves against the elements by detaching and protecting at the same time.

The topic of this article is about detachment but when I came to the finish lines, I understood what Ricki Dale once said – “Motherhood is the greatest thing and the hardest thing.”

For mothers, even detachment is for the betterhood of her children.

Featured Image Credit: Photo by Saradhi Photography on Unsplash

Liked this post?

Join the 100000 women at Women's Web who get our weekly mailer and never miss out on our events, contests & best reads - you can also start sharing your own ideas and experiences with thousands of other women here!


About the Author

Jaya Kumar

A lawyer by qualification and a marketer by profession. A true believer of listening to ones gut to do the right thing! read more...

2 Posts | 9,443 Views

Stay updated with our Weekly Newsletter or Daily Summary - or both!

All Categories