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Netflix's Indian Matchmaking is an eight episode-long glitzy exhibition of elite Indian communities and their supposedly modern take on arranged marriages.
Netflix’s Indian Matchmaking is an eight episode-long glitzy exhibition of elite Indian communities and their supposedly modern take on arranged marriages.
As the opening credits start to roll on Netflix’s ‘Indian Matchmaking,’ my senses are blasted with images of the razzle-dazzle of big, rich desi weddings. The voiceover says, “In India, the marriage is between two families, and these families have their reputation and wealth at stake.” Then, the camera pans to Sima Taparia, Mumbai’s ‘top matchmaker’ and star of the show. She is seen at several weddings, providing her visiting card to parents with offspring who are ready for marriage, introducing herself as Sima Aunty.
‘Indian Matchmaking’ is a docu-series that captures the profession of matchmaking and the evolution of the rishtas into marriages in a tradition-meets-modernity vibe. It definitely has a cute fairytale narrative to follow and is centred on rich Indians, mostly settled abroad.
The show is supposed to glamorise the idea of arranged marriages to a foreign audience. However, by doing so, it casts a glittery glow over the real issues in such marriages. Right from the overwhelming role of family and lack of individual agency, to the long discussions over caste and horoscopes, the show has it all. The double standards of physical appearance for men and women and nitpicking over incomes and family backgrounds is also shown.
While all of these issues are seen surfacing at various points of the show, they are never seen as problematic. Instead they are normalised and taken for granted as part of traditions that have to be roped into fixing of a marriage.
In one episode, for example, Sima carries a conversation with a wealthy woman looking for an ideal wife for her son. The woman lists a series of very specific attributes that she would like to see in her daughter-in-law, while the professional matchmaker nods in understanding.
When Aparna, a 34 year-old lawyer and her family list their conditions for a groom, Sima Aunty calls Aparna ‘negative’ and ‘stubborn.’ Every time she visits with a boy’s family, she is attentive and receptive to the needs of her clients. On the other hand, when she encounters eligible women who are ‘too successful’ or ‘too old,’ being ‘picky’ about their matches, she becomes critical of them.
I cannot help but wrinkle my nose at the show’s indifference towards different communities and classes that also partake in arranged marriages. Matchmaking is definitely an interesting part of South Asian culture. But the only representation that it receives need not be that of privileged, upper-caste Indians and NRIs.
There are less “ideal,” and more unique stories about marriage in Indian communities that never reach platforms like Netflix. However, the biggest mistake committed by the show is its insistence that age-old patriarchal models of marriage are beautiful, and they are here to stay.
The institution of arranged marriage is not the most pleasant idea to many Indians. We do not need more media representations that show it in a better light than necessary.
Long story short, Indian Matchmaking does not handle its subject with any nuance. It is just another addition to the pile of watered-down representations of our culture to a global audience.
Picture credits: Still from Netflix series Indian Matchmaking
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After some time, unable to bear it any longer, I signed off from the home lunch. My MIL must've heaved a sigh of relief because my portion of groceries would be saved!
Until I married I had never imagined even in my wildest dreams that my diet/ food intake could assume such alarming proportions and affect conjugal harmony. Having stepped into my marital home I discovered to my bewilderment that the four female inmates were frugal eaters. My spouse and his dad ate moderately well.
The family faced a dilemma: my requirement surpassed those of the ladies but most certainly couldn’t be clubbed with the men’s. Why? Simply because they were MEN. “How could you even think of it”? They snubbed me often. (Incidentally, the parents-in-law refused to accept contributions from either of us). They probably expected me to be demure and submissive since I was ‘‘eating off” their money.
So each morning as I left for work I was served three chapattis with a few spoonfuls of curry. Can you believe this curry catered to the ladies’ lunch the previous day, and dinner for all six inmates? The horror of horrors, it crept into my lunch box too. The chapattis made at the crack of dawn were fine till breakfast but by lunch, they turned leathery; the accompanying curry insipid, tasteless.
We can’t bombard impressionable young women in the name of enlightened entertainment to feed them the same drivel. At least let us not label misogynist movies as helping the cause of women.
I have watched at least 2 ‘purported’ trailblazing Bollywood movies in the recent past that left me with a feeling that I had taken part in the ice-bucket challenge all over again. This time around, however, without even the satisfaction of having supported a worthy cause.
Both the movies have about a 90% liking rate on IMDB/Rotten Tomatoes. Both are touted to ‘sensitively’ portray the taboo topics that seem to be mostly hidden underneath a layer of banana peels – dangerous to even tread nearby.
As Indian Matchmaking – Netflix’s new documentary on the ever-puzzling, 'need to hate it but can’t really' arranged marriage – aired and climbed ranks, so did the backlash on social media. But do the accusations hold?
As Indian Matchmaking – Netflix’s new documentary on the ever-puzzling, ‘need to hate it but can’t really’ arranged marriage – aired and climbed ranks, so did the backlash on social media. But do the accusations hold?
Multiple reviews are out there, including on mainstream international media like Reuters, that fault the show for casteism, gender stereotyping, classism, and for showing Indian society in a negative light. So, as a staunch self-proclaimed progressive feminist, I needed to hate it.
And since I met my partner at University and didn’t go through the process of matchmaking, my ego was hoping to find an occasion for ‘See, I did better’ flaunting. But alas, love and marriage are not the same and that’s a discussion for another day…
Woman as a mother is a very powerful image in Indian culture, and whether you're the prospective mother in law or the bride decides how you're treated.
Woman as a mother is a very powerful image in Indian culture, and whether you’re the prospective mother in law or the bride decides how you’re treated.
“Arranged marriage is a manual Tinder or Tinder premium with families involved where families also have to swipe right.” – Indian Matchmaking, Netflix
On 16th July 2020, a show called Indian Matchmaking dropped on our Netflix windows. Soon the show was on the no.1 charts across the globe. Presenting a convoluted idea of modernity and tradition, I don’t know at this point what is more unnerving: the show itself or its popularity among the Indian youth. What is more disconcerting is when people are resonating with it on a wide-ranging level!