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The latest YouTube vs. TikTok feud is made me question opinions on gender fluidity. Are we still living in an era where being feminine is considered low?
Youth Ki Awaaz reported “YouTube Has Deleted CarryMinati’s Most Liked Indian (Homophobic) Video, Finally!” The article said that a popular Indian YouTuber, CarryMinati posted a video demeaning TikTok users which had been deleted by YouTube for violating its policy.
The video was reported by several users because it was aimed to attack other content creators using homophobic slurs such as Meetha (‘sweet’ but used as an insult, citing lack of ‘masculinity’) and Pari (meaning ‘Fairy’, used to misgender)
“Note that in South Asia, it is a common practice to insult others by calling them gay or transgender. Further, he also says TikTok creators can be sold at a Meethai ki Dukaan (sweet shop) for ₹200, referring to the homophobic slur Meetha. Throughout the video, he resorts to the common homophobic practice of misgendering by addressing the creator as Beti (daughter),” Youth Ki Awaaz reported.
Okay, so, let’s start with the basics – CarryMinati used homophobic slurs. And what were those – beti, fairy, meetha (the contextual meaning is lacking masculinity) A man making TikTok videos is insulted and is being called Beti, Pari, and Meetha. And the platform removed the content on the basis of homophobia?
Both the giver and receiver of the insult felt one could be insulted as a gay/transgender/homosexual by calling them beti multiple times. So, being gay is a matter of how feminine you are? How immature, stereotypical, and orthodox are we in the second decade of the 21st century?
Was this homophobia? No. Because this was misogyny. A man felt that he could insult another man by questioning his masculinity by juxtaposing him against a girl. Meanwhile, the receiver of this insult also responded as predicted by taking it as an insult on his masculinity as he was called a girl.
So, basically your masculinity is a measure of “how not girly you’re?” To be a man, you’ve to be “less and less woman.” This isn’t homophobia; this is misogyny at a newer level.
“Tum mard ho, aur beti bulaye jaana sharm ki baat hai” (you’re a man and it is an insult when someone calls you a girl). You know why? Because deep down, you firmly believe that women are the second sex, the second class citizens, the inferiors.
So, how can I, a man, be a woman? I, a man, can be a woman only if I’m gay because being gay and being beti mean the same things for you – the secondary, the lesser, the lower, and the despicable. On a scale of infinity to infinity, how regressive are you?
I was talking to a very well educated, qualified, and urban male friend of mine about this, and I was shocked to hear what he’d to say on this (quoting him verbatim) – “They were trying to be something that should have been done by a girl.”
My “otherwise forward thinking” friend believed that men and women have “essential traits.” That any deviation from that deserved the contempt and condemnation that the Tiktoker got, “Beti!” Well-deserved, right? What a waste of education and opportunity are we!
The problem isn’t and wasn’t CarryMinati rather people who think Beti, Pari are slurs and insults. Our mindset is moulded in a way such that men believe they’re transgenders/gays/homosexuals if someone thinks they’re like girls.
A significant proportion of our population, particularly males, thinks that the biggest problem in being a transgender/gay is being closer to the female attributes. Thus, the slurs – beti, pari, meetha are relatable. The problem isn’t in being a transgender/gay, the problem isn’t homophobia but it’s rather in being like a girl.
It’s a matter of pride to be a man, and even to be a tomboy but people can harass you by calling you a pari, a beti, being meetha. And you too will feel the shame, call it homophobia, and register complaints. No dear, this IS NOT homophobia. This is plain misogyny.
Because not only them, you too are pained at being called a woman. The problem isn’t misgendering; the problem is calling a man “a beti.” I want to know why were/are you insulted that he called you a girl? Why is it an insult to call you a girl? What made you think being called a girl reduced your masculinity? And what is it in being beti that can quickly transform a man? So, by that definition, anyone who’s not a girl but can be called a girl is a gay/transgender/homosexual. Are we serious?
Four years ago, I wrote the following for The HuffPost – “In the forgotten days, society used the concept of “gender” to assign tasks to men and women and thus, some traits came to be associated with a particular gender. But we, the so-called modern people, victimise ourselves to stereotypes and at times, instigate such stereotypes when we somehow appreciate the maverick but by “qualifying” it to a particular gender label.
Why must men and women have “essential traits”? People’s gender expressions are very diverse and are much more fluid and unpredictable than society’s constructed categories.
Our identity is an amalgamation of numerous elements and not just our “gender.” This “identity”, thus, should not be fixed as per our ‘gender’ and must not determine our “individuality.” All of us have character traits that swim against the gender mainstream.
‘How we act’ and ‘how we should act’ are two totally different things in reality. Therefore we must not chain ourselves to the ‘shoulds’ of gender-based preconceptions and misconceptions and must let ourselves free to pursue our passion.”
And I’m deeply sad to see that these words still find relevance in today’s context – a world that hasn’t changed in four years. The four years in which we made a lot of progress as a society.
From decriminalising homosexuality to giving permanent commission to women in the armed forces, we embraced changes. Alas, not much has changed in essence, it seems.
With some people laughing at CarryMinati calling a man “a girl” and with others taking offence by connecting this with being homosexual/transgender, it seems like we’ve simply turned the calendar pages. It’s just a change in laws; no change of heart or mind.
We still think the way we used to. And we should rather be ashamed of this, take offence at this. We need to register complaints against this. And most importantly, we need to flag off this deplorable train of conventional ideologies from our minds for once and for all.
Picture credits: YouTube
Ananya is an economist-in-the-making & internet governance advocate who is extremely passionate about & committed to supporting young girls to stay "relevant, productive, and efficient" in the labor force for the futuristic read more...
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Let me introduce to you the talented designer duo who have worked on these, and can be considered today’s upcoming costume designers for the screen. Gunpreet Kaur Mann and Deepali Singh.
Having studied at NIFT, Gunpreet Kaur Mann sent her portfolio out to several designers. Her first gig was as an assistant stylist with Manoshi and Rushi, who also happen to be a designer duo. She worked on an ad film starring Saif Ali Khan and eventually landed a full time job with designer Vikram Phadnis. Years of experience as assistant costume designer followed, which eventually led her to getting a break.
A ‘thank you’ makes a lot of difference in the way any woman in your life sees herself in your eyes. It might even mean the world to her.
I have not received any appreciation in the past. Probably never will. This is the experience of ample women across the globe. The expectation to be thanked for all the sacrifices she makes to keep others happy has faded. Yet the urge to hear few words of acknowledgement always lingers.
There is never a day when she pushes off her own burdens. She knows not to give up on people she loves. Women in general, are givers by nature and hence, give without asking anything in return. They have been the care givers and lovers since centuries however receive no appreciation.
It will mean the world to your mother if you answer her calls. If your sister seems lost give her a hug and assure her about her strengths. Tomorrow, there might come a day when you would have to make your daughter feel empowered with few words of wisdom every now and then. For the children to feel wanted and loved, you must be able to spare some quality time with your wife and be present in the moment.
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