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Me, I am just a girl, not little enough anymore to hope dinner will cook itself… and these thoughts swirl through my mind.
But here I am, weeks into a near total lockdown, and a few months since life changed forever, staring at the fridge wondering if life will ever be the same again. . On a day, when none of us has anywhere to go, when each day is the same; there is no doorbell that will ring; no activity to structure my routine around; how can I possibly be unable to handle the few choices the bare shelves throw up? But I am – unable to decide. I realize it’s not the food, it’s the turmoil in my mind.
The uncertainties around which we stoically try to build our routines weigh on me; as I wonder:-
Will today be spent reading and researching on my laptop; Or will the companion for the day be my mop? Will my gourmet creation be worth a picture; Or will the vegetables in maggi be my redeeming feature? Will we follow the schedule for each activity; Or will the day pass with no productivity? When I finally venture to buy many a vegetable Will I change out of pajamas into something respectable? Will the laundry forever continue to pile, Or will I get around to folding them in a while?
The gamut of feelings, some of which surface unexpectedly, threaten to overwhelm me, and without warning, the roller coaster of emotions takes off. Like a giant spinning wheel, who knows where it will stop; and which chord it will strike deep within
Is today the day for anger? Or will grief find center? Maybe again disbelief will override Or with anxiety I will be beside? Will I feel a fear intense ; like never before? Can I ever, stop being so unsure? Will I wonder if this isolation ever end And humanity begin to mend? Will it always be so intense, this pain, Or will things be simple ever again? As I say the daily prayer, For my loved ones everywhere I hope gratitude will make way into my heart And perhaps faith will do its part enough to give hope, and the strength to cope Despite this awareness of vulnerability, Can I search for stability? Rise above this despair And for a different tomorrow prepare?
Suddenly, as the giant spinning wheel continues its spin, all myriad colours merge, first into the rainbow, and then a gleam of white; I am suddenly little again.
Little, compared with the universe and its churnings; Miniscule in front of the world’s proceedings Petty in the larger scheme of things, Oblivious to how life swings;
And I realize, it is the wheel that given me the answer.
Whatever feeling I select; whichever question chooses me; and whatever thought finds home in my mind today; all are part of the whole; each is mine to embrace.
The wheel will keep spinning; and we must also not give up; soldiering on with grace, humility and belief.
We shall overcome.
Shalini is an author and a practicing doctor specializing in respiratory pathology. Her book Stars from the Borderless Sea (2022) was longlisted for the AutHer Awards 2023 (Debut category). Shalini was awarded a Jury Appreciation read more...
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
It is shameful that in today's world too, women are abused and even killed for giving birth to a girl, and the infant's life is also of no value.
Trigger Warning: This deals with domestic violence, suicide, and violence against women, and may be triggering to survivors.
I am so glad that the esteemed courts are now giving the much-required verdicts regarding certain ideologies that were not at all entertained earlier. I mean we all have studied this much biology at our school level and it is our duty (our generation) to educate our elders about it.
Why someone have to lose a life to bring such awareness to the society. Delhi High Court gave this judgement concerning a case that filed by the deceased daughter’s parents against her in-laws. She committed suicide as she was harassed and tortured for dowry and giving birth to two daughters.
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