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Love may be do all, end all for a lot of us. However, an excess, even of love is unhealthy. Here are 7 reasons why it's not a good idea to love too much!
Love may be do all, end all for a lot of us. However, an excess, even of love is unhealthy. Here are 7 reasons why it’s not a good idea to love too much!
“Love is life.” “It is all you need.” “Love is in the air!” “All I need is you.” I am sure all of you have heard these sayings and they feel good, don’t they?
Love makes you feel like you had a giant dose of happy emotions in your body and brain. It makes you want to be present and with your partner. And if your partner resonates and reciprocates the same emotion, you are lucky.
But what if you are pouring yourself too much in a relationship and start losing your individuality? At the same time, what if, your partner does not reciprocate the same emotions and starts feeling suffocated?
Then there is a possibility that you love too much and your love is smothering your partner. Now you may ask ‘is there anything like too much love?’ Can love be measured? When does love turn into smothering?
Excess of anything is dangerous. And love isn’t an exception. Though it might sound like selfless love, it is selfish. When you love someone too much it does more harm than good.
There is a very thin line between love and smothering. Most of the time people don’t realise when they cross the line. If you want a healthy and long-lasting relationship, it is vital not to cross that line.
When you love someone, you want best for them, even if that means the relationship looks different from what you had in mind. In contrast, when you are smothering someone, you prioritise your own needs of closeness or connection without caring for what the other person wants or needs.
While smothering someone, you may feel like you’re showing love. However, in reality, you’re being selfish if your love is motivated by your own insecurities and fear. Or even if you don’t care about what the other person wants or feel.
This is one reason people are scared and run from such a relationship. Love gives. And love is generous. It prioritises the other person’s freedom and autonomy. Every relationship needs space and air to breathe, survive and thrive.
Smothering deprives the relationship of the oxygen and kills it. Here are some reasons why it is bad to love someone too much:
You start losing yourself and individuality and start adopting your significant other’s interests even if you are not comfortable. It is okay to check out and learn more about your partner’s likes. However, shadowing or the following someone is unsuitable and gives an impression that you don’t have any interests of your own.
If you and your partner have an individual personalities, beliefs, likes and dislikes, it makes the relationship stimulating and appealing. Mixing different hobbies, beliefs and preferences just make things more interesting.
In a healthy relationship, it’s important that you maintain your sense of self. Depending on your significant other for your happiness is pitiful. Also, it’s very tiring for the person who’s been put in charge of entertaining you.
You give more than they give. If you are too invested in a relationship and your partner is not reciprocating or even appreciating the effort, you are in trouble. You will be deeply hurt disappointed. And you keep investing in a relationship that has no chance of surviving.
A good rule of thumb is to give back what you get- not exceed- the energy, attention, and effort your partner is investing in your relationship. It is true that love is not a calculation of what we give and get, but where there is a lack of reciprocation, it is obvious that one is loving too much.
You might be pouring too much of yourself and are left empty. A relationship is composed of two complete individuals. If you become incomplete, you will eventually feel like there’s so much emptiness in your life and you do not know how to fill. You will not feel content and worthy. And in due course, it will be difficult to love someone because of that.
You are blinded by love. Intense love, that prevents you from realising the true nature of your relationship. It prevents you from seeing your partner’s faults or short comes. And also prevents you from understanding that your excessive love is actually hurting them.
Your reasoning might be clouded. It will be difficult to see what’s right or wrong. For example, you might come to a point in your relationship where you will find emotional and physical abuse okay just because you love your partner. Being blind because of excessive love can warp your reasoning.
You might neglect your own self. And stop pampering yourself because you’re too busy caring for your loved one. You stop looking for self-growth because your only focus is your loved ones. There is a chance that you lose several opportunities along the way because you get too busy focusing on the one you love. Neglecting yourself because of too much love for someone might backfire and make you feel you have not made much of your life.
You might have no time for your family. Have you been missing out on important family gatherings? Has it been ages since you last ate dinner with your family? Loving someone too much might take even the time you spend with your family.
Your partner might take you for granted. He or she might be aware that you give too much love and are totally invested in a relationship. They might take advantage of it. And they know that you’ll forgive them if they do something wrong, so they might not think twice of their actions. They might not make an extra effort to make a relationship work and leave everything on your shoulders.
You might feel discontented with your partner. If you’ve given up your social life, your interests, hobbies, career and everything for, then you might expect them to do the same. And if you’ve let opportunities pass for someone, you might expect the same from them. As a result, you will feel unhappy.
“All in love is fair.” Is it true? Not it’s not. Everything is not fair in love. You need to be mindful and intuitive while being in love.
Your love is “too much” when some damage has been done- either to the lover or the beloved. When intense love blinds your sight and makes you act inappropriately, such intense love is too much.
Anything in excess is harmful. Love isn’t an exception. Loving someone too much is dangerous for you, your partner, and your relationship.
Keep things regulated, so you can keep things right.
Picture credits: YouTube
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Neena was the sole caregiver of Amma and though one would think that Amma was dependent on her, Neena felt otherwise.
Neena inhaled the aroma that emanated from the pan and took a deep breath. The aroma of cumin interspersed with butter transported her back to the modest kitchen in her native village. She could picture her father standing in the kitchen wearing his white crisp kurta as he made delectable concoctions for his only daughter.
Neena grew up in a home where both her parents worked together in tandem to keep the house up and running. She had a blissful childhood in her modest two-room house. The house was small but every nook and cranny gave her memories of a lifetime. Neena’s young heart imagined that her life would follow the same cheerful course. But how wrong she was!
When she was sixteen, the catastrophic clutches of destiny snatched away her parents. They passed away in a road accident and Neena was devastated. Relatives thronged her now gloomy house and soon it was decided that she should be married off.
Women today don’t want to be in a partnership that complicates their lives further. They need an equal partner with whom they can figure out life as a team, playing by each other’s strengths.
We all are familiar with that one annoying aunty who is more interested in our marital status than in the dessert counter at a wedding. But these aunties have somehow become obsolete now. Now they are replaced by men we have in our lives. Friends, family, and even work colleagues. It’s the men who are worried about why we are not saying yes to one among their clans. What is wrong with us? Aren’t we scared of dying alone? Like them?
A recent interaction with a guy friend of mine turned sour when he lectured me about how I would regret not getting married at the right time. He lectured that every event in our lives needs to be completed within a certain timeframe set by society else we are doomed. I wasn’t angry. I was just disappointed to realize that annoying aunties are rapidly doubling in our society. And they don’t just appear at weddings or family functions anymore. They are everywhere. They are the real pandemic.
Let’s examine this a little closer.
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