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Relationships are one of those aspects of our lives that we are born with. So talking of blood relationships, it is very simple to grasp that we practice the unsaid and unwritten rules of relationships even before we are able to comprehend anything around us. What’s interesting is the fact that the very first instinct within the system of relationships is DEMAND.
Putting it very simply, the relationship of a newborn and the mother is indeed of very high virtue, but the equation is such that the baby, by instinct plays a role that is limited to the fulfilment of her needs, that of being nursed, cared for, cleaned and eventually of being trained in various ways to face life. Of course, the baby loves her mother and does also display her love, but the thoughtful and intentional efforts and the aspects of a relationship of sacrifice, patience, hard work, foresight etc. are only one-sided. The child does not even understand these feelings until a good age.And this equation of relationships is established by nature. And Nature, my dear fellows, does nothing without a purpose. Life progresses and we get into many more relationships such as friendship, professional relationships and romantic relationships and many more lying somewhere in between the precisely named ones. And they all play their roles in our lives in different ways to different extents.
But the one that takes the largest chunk of our energies in our romantic relationships. Romantic relationships are obviously characterized by the emotion of love, but not exclusively so. Love like relationships is also multi-faceted. It exists in more forms than we usually comprehend. Again, as relationships come to us by birth, so does love. So, we love and get loved even before we know of it. And then love never leaves us. As we grow, we love our toys, our siblings, our teachers, our school, our books, our friends, we love some games, we love some food, we love some places, we love our work and we love some ideas and ideologies. Love constantly drives us towards what we become. It is omnipresent, even when we experience contrary feelings of dislike or even hatred, love for another thing never ceases to exist in us. We keep loving without having to plan it and without worrying about it.
The virtue of love by itself is self-sufficient to do justice to the object of our love. Until we find romantic love. Blame it on the hormones or whatever, this form of love and relationship takes a toll on us. In the beginning, it excites us like nothing ever did and we just can’t get over it. It brings along a different kind of passion to us so what are we working to satiate? “Our Demands” of being loved back, of being treated a particular way of transmitting our own love securing tags, even social recognition.Remember the instinct established by nature. We demand. And that is the way it has to be. We seek a fulfilled relationship.
Even the notion of “Self-less Love” adheres to the law of demand in the relationships. And when they say love unconditionally, it is just another form of demand, and should not be understood as falling outside the law. Unconditional love is the idea and experience that brings you peace and only then you love that way. This is what you demanded, which means the law of demand is not restricted to physical materialistic tangible demands. In fact, those are distractions that draw us away from the rightful instinctive natural demand of our being from our relations and sometimes we end up complicating them.
The problem lies in not being able to distinguish between the distractors and the nurturers. The problem lies in not being mindful of the law of demand in relationships. And the problem lies in not realising that demand matures with age and phases of our lives. Failed relationships are more often a result of the lack of clarity on these deeper aspects, rather than what appears on the surface. Those are only excuses. Failed relationships are almost always followed by heartbreaks which causes a major crisis to our mental health. Understand, heartbreaks are as serious as the end of the world for the sufferer. But take my word, heal it with the law of demand in relationships. Focus on where the equation got out of balance and the clarity it will bring will show you what needs to be fixed to get the equation balanced. (Do not read the previous sentence as meaning to necessarily have the one gone came back, it means to heel yourself in ways that suit your equation best). Remember, demand is a variable for different persons and phases of life.
Hence the solution is always unique and case-specific. So, learn to have a cordial relationship with your instinctive demand.
The image is a still from the movie Baaghi
Born in Ethiopia and did my primary schooling in United Arab Emirates and New Delhi,
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