While juggling multiple roles, don’t forget you are important too. Make yourself a priority because no one else will with #KhayaalRakhna
Fighting the same battle every morning, with the same rusted weapons and hence facing the same defeat.
Snoozing the alarm to mislead the mind into letting loose for a little longer. Strange battles this mind fights over and over again, aware and sure of its defeat. Repeating the pattern mindlessly.
Engulfed in self-pity for getting less than the minimum of six hours of sleep, leading to the desire of being able to skip the morning ritual of getting up to meet the schedule forced on me by outside agencies, nevertheless aware of the necessity to abide by it. Yet the self is so vulnerable that I end up shifting the huge responsibility to the snooze function of the smarter ones amongst us – the so very smartphones. Three snoozes and I force myself out of bed, but unable to come out of the desire to sleep some more. Unfulfilled desires are disasters. Hating some more the morning to which I woke up to like a school kid in the body of a thirty-two-year-old. While the body makes leaps to reach the toilet to freshen up, the reverse keeps happening to the mind which only sinks deeper in self-pity now a step ahead and labelling myself a poor fellow working hard for the family, sacrificing the sweet morning sleep. Poor again because I so deserve it and yet am forced to choose to sacrifice it every morning.
As my body drags me to the kitchen and almost by default gets on with preparing the breakfast and tiffin boxes for dearest hubby and adorable kids, the mind only advances from self-pity to anger that thrives on the reason that justifies my grumpiness – the monotony of the routine. The tongue however thankfully plays a positive role in my morning battle, by wanting to keep its business shut. Believe me, not talking to anyone at this point is such a saviour. And because I am an almost perfect person yet so disadvantaged, I am done with the bread, eggs, fruits, tea, milk, chapati, all packed in tiffin boxes and served at the table, not missing out on anything however insignificant it might seem. The privileged members of my family still struggling with getting themselves ready enough to arrive at the dining table to treat themselves of my hard work. These few minutes having to wait for them provoke the mind further to behave like a strict hostel matron towards the indisciplined lazy bunch of people, who are otherwise the apple of my eyes.
While I was like every day facing my defeat in the battle, appeared an averter. On the window of the room, the curtains to which were still drawn, where the sunlight struggled to enter through, to which I had paid no heed, perched a tiny little myna, having almost called me by my name. So strong was the call it made and so prompt was my attention to have gotten drawn towards it. For the first time in this morning were my body and mind in sync. It seemed like a turning point in the battle I lost every day. Very carefully and delicately I did apart the curtains making sure the guest on the other side doesn’t get scared into flying away. There was something about its brown little body that seemed to contain reflections of vigour, freshness and energy so positive it turned my grumpiness into a heartfelt smile. Its contrasting bright yellow beak that was open wide due to the summer heat as if asking me to lend a part of my morning services as a provider of nutrition. In no time I returned to the window with a small mug of water and a portion from the previous night’s leftover chapati shredded into bitable pieces for my new beautiful guest. I knew the moment I would open the window to put the food there for her she would fly away, but something also told me that she would come back when I would close it back. And it did. I was witnessing how positivity and happiness lead to hope and conviction and vice versa. Another moment further, I was experiencing inexplicable satiation within me as I saw the myna sipping water and then hopping quickly towards the chapati and taking the tiny morsels meant for it.
Just a moment back I was an angry irritated negative person and then in the very next a happy cheerful positive person. A huge transition in less than a few minutes. I learnt a few things.
Windows are important and even more important is to open them and stop being deprived of real joys waiting to flow into our house and life. We must recognize such windows that connect our dark and dim rooms to the bright sunlit skies. And open them often.
Guests are a blessing. I have lived by this saying but only that morning did I realise that guests can be non-humans also and that they also bring along “Rahmat”.
Thank you little bird for you have helped me win the long-fought battle. The next morning I came out the victor and the battle ended as I looked forward to waking up to the newly discovered face of life and a bright start of the day. To nourish along with all the others my own soul and spirit.
Until this becomes a routine and the demons of the battle rise again
First published here
Image has been provided by the author
Born in Ethiopia and did my primary schooling in United Arab Emirates and New Delhi,
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