Women’s Web is recognizing role models with WICA, and number of women nominating for the Women In Corporate Awards is increasing. Apply now, last date – 18th July
Keep far away from sex before you get married, have plenty once you’re married and make sure to produce some kids, and abstain once the kids are here. That’s the only way to be a sanskaari Indian.
Many of our readers must feel disgust when they read the title itself which contains the most explosive word of India, sex.
Yes it is explosive if a person is having pre marital sex. But on the contrary if a person is not having sex post marriage, then too it is an explosion. “Hay re….After marriage are you not having sex? There must be a problem with a girl (or guy)!”
But wait. There are different parameters for a girl and a boy.
If pre marital sex happens, then the girl will be declared “characterless”, but if it doesn’t happen post marriage, then the first thought that comes to everyone’s mind is “guy must be impotent!”
So basically in our country sex is not a physical/biological need like air, water, and food, but it’s a societal need which is justified and has to be fulfilled only if you are labelled as married. Its final outcome has to be reproduction instead of pleasure.
In India everything is based on society. “Personal space” or “personal opinion” are not really appreciated.
An adult couple is a prime suspect for having a sexual relationship if they are not Mr. & Mrs. XYZ. Hotels don’t provide a room to the couple, as they aren’t married. They have to prove their fake identity as a husband & wife. Of course, if caught, after extorting a handsome amount they may be provided with a room.
We have the perception that if couple is inside the room and the door is locked, then they must be having sex. That’s why once parents close the bedroom door, kids too have the same perception. We can’t think beyond this belief, that personal time is not meant only to have intercourse.
Even after marriage a couple can’t explore their physical intimacy in a day time. Because we as a society have a few unwritten thumb rules, one of which is that sex is a thing which can be done only at night. Why? If couple wants to enjoy it at any point of time, then what is the harm in that?
The most contradictory thing I found since got my senses is that parents are worried about their kids exploring their sexual urges, and keep an alert eye of their young kids all the time so that they don’t “have sex before marriage”, but once the kids get married, the same parents force them to “give the good news” as soon as possible by having more and more sex! And if after 2-3 years of marriage a girl doesn’t conceive then the family may plan a late honeymoon tour for the couple so that they come back with concrete a result…
They don’t want them to waste even a month or so. That’s why every MIL keeps watching whether her DIL stops morning Pooja at home every month. Every month she gets disappointed by when she realises her DIL is using sanitary napkins. She keeps discussing with all sundry well-wishers as well, “pata nhi bahu kab hume dada dadi banne ka sukh degi.” (don’t know when my daughter in law will give us the pleasure of becoming grandparents)!
And this is not limited to in-laws only. Every time you visit your mother’s home too, there is a constant litany of not having conceived yet. Pados wali (neighbouring) aunty will not spare you too, so a conversation like this takes place: “Han beta sasural se kab aai? Aur tabiyat kaisi hai teri…” (Oh, when have you come from your in-laws’ place? And how is your health?). To this weird question, she expects you to reciprocate with some “good news”.
So post marriage all you have to do is give good news. We love babies, but to go on to the path of that motherhood, when a girl visits a medical store and asks for a pregnancy colour card, the storekeeper gives you a suspicious glance. Must be thinking – she must have got pregnant with her boyfriend instead of husband. That’s why most women avoid going to such places for a pregnancy colour card; forget about condoms. If a girl asks a storekeeper for condoms then people around the shop begin staring at her, as if she has asked for an AK 47.
After kids, all of sudden you become a married sanyasi. Because then the same people around you would say “ab kya hai…bacche to ho gaye. Dekho ab bhi raha nhi ja raha..” (Now your kids are born, even now you can’t keep off sex?”
So reproduction is the ultimate aim of a male and female sexual relationship. Rest of it, things like pleasure, fun, love, romance are the side products of our life. So if you are sanskaari enough, you will keep your distance from it, else the asanskari label is waiting for you. Society will decide till how long you can to be active in your sexual life.
Our law system is powerful enough to decide the age of it. So in India age of consented sex is 18 under the Criminal Law (Amendment) Act, 2013. But if a man doesn’t consider consent while having sex with his wife above 15, then it’s not considered a crime/rape. It’s legal. How ridiculous can things get?
So ultimately the thing which is a “sin” before marriage becomes “custom” after marriage irrespective of the age of couple, specially the wife’s. And we Indians are the only species in the world who spend crores on a wedding just to announce that today we are going to have sex…
That’s why (a man, of course!) urinating or spitting on the road side or at a public place is not considered a shameful act, but kissing your loved one surely does. No hesitation in buying cigarette at any point of time, but asking for condom surely is a problem.
Why do we want everything based on society norms? Life is only once, live to the fullest. Physical intimacy is a very personal thing, and we have to accept as people of the 21st century, that it’s purely one’s choice to get into it or not, and at what age.
By the way we Indians are too shy and strict about sexual matters though we have reached over 135 crores…
Image source: a still from the movie Dum Laga Ke Haisha
Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views. Individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times. If you have a complementary or differing point of view, you can request to be a Women's Web contributor too!
Is Sex Evil: Why Can’t We Be Honest About Sex?
Loss Of Virginity Not A Big Deal For Girls On Indian Campuses; Consent Is Key
The Impurity Stigma : Why Is Virginity So Coveted?
To Tackle Marital Rape, We Should Be Able To Talk About Sex in The First Place
Get our weekly mailer and never miss out on the best reads by and about women!