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A patriarchal society doesn't really consider a daughter in law as a person in her own right. Here's almost a rant by a beleaguered bahu!
A patriarchal society doesn’t really consider a daughter in law as a person in her own right. Here’s almost a rant by a beleaguered bahu!
I’ve found that women from the husband’s side cannot help but poke their noses in our lives. They have serious issues with men of the house entering the kitchen, they get drastically offended if a guest of the house even gets the water bottle on their own from the fridge. They expect the bahu of the house to be the butler, cook, caretaker of the house, kids and the elders.
Elders in our society have special privilege – they can get away saying anything that comes to their minds, and no matter how bruised your self esteem is, you are expected to stay mum, because “badon ko jawab dena to hamari sabhyata ke khilaf hai” (it is against our culture to talk back to elders).
It’s ok for the bahu to not to attend to her few months old baby but it’s against their ethics to let the grown ass adults to help themselves! Coz they are born to order around the bahu of the house to get the slightest of their needs fulfilled.
Even if they consider themselves ‘broad-minded’, these so called liberal in-laws are cool for their daughters, but are damn narrow minded for their daughters in law.
It’s ok for the daughter of the house to wake up at noon ‘coz the poor girl hasn’t slept the entire night, taking care of her cranky baby. But if the bahu of the house even takes a nap after being awake the entire night because of the same reason, she is “not well brought up by her parents”!
This patriarchal society is as much as because of such women as it is because of the men, though the women are the ones who more often actually speak like this, especially the older women in extended family. These sadist ‘aunties’ cannot digest the fact that life is comparatively easier for their daughters in law, and they make it a point to torture them to feel good about themselves.
These aunties seriously need to get a life other then interfering in the lives of their daughters in law. They are all very sympathetic towards the saas of the house, kyuki bechari is umar me kitna sahe? (how much will she tolerate at this age?)
And then come out all baseless comparisons with other ‘docile’ bahus of the family, and of course unwanted advice to be a perfect sanskari bahu. These mothers in law (or the aunties in law) are well programmed to create a melodrama at the most vulnerable times, and throwing about the phrase “hamne to bahut sangarsh kiye hai!” (we have struggled so much in our lives!) at every possible occasion. This ‘waterworks phenomena’ is like a bulls-eye to prove the indecency of the bahu of the house.
Well to sum it all, bahus are the most worthless creatures in the panorama of the Indian society.
No matter how well established, how well educated these bahus are, they are not supposed to have their own mind, their own views and their own wishes. A bahu is expected to cast herself according to the wishes of the multitude of people from her in laws side, but should expect no flexibility even from the remotest of the relatives, getting to face cold glances from everyone even on the slightest argument with her mother in law.
Well that’s our Indian society: “badon ka adar karna hi hamari sabhyata hai!” (in our culture we have to give respect to our elders!), and only bahus are expected to make all the transitions and compromises. A sad world we are living in!
Image source: YouTube
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People say that women are the greatest enemies of women. I vehemently disagree. It is the patriarchal mindset that makes women believe in the wrong ideology.
The entire world celebrates International Women’s Day on March 8, 2024. It should be a joyful day, but unfortunately, not all women are entitled to this privilege, as violence against women is at its peak. The experience of oppression pushes many women to choose freedom. As far as patriotism is concerned, feminism is not a cup of tea in this society.
What happens when a woman decides to stand up for herself? Does this world easily accept the decisions of women in this society? What inspires them to be free of the clutches of the oppression that women have faced for ages? Most of the time, women do not get the chance to decide for themselves. Their lives are always at the mercy of someone, which can be their parents, siblings, husband, or children.
In some cases, women do not feel the need to make any decisions. They are taught to obey the patriarchal system, which makes them believe that they are right. In my family, I was never taught to make decisions on my own. It was always my parents who bought dresses and all that I needed.
14 years after her last feature film Dhobi Ghat, storyteller extraordinaire comes up with her new film, Laapataa Ladies, a must watch.
*Some spoilers alert*
Every religion around the world dictates terms to women. The onus is always on women to be ‘modest’ and cover their faces and bodies so men can’t be “tempted”, rather than on men to keep their eyes where they belong and behave like civilized beings. So much so that even rape has been excused on the grounds of women eating chowmein or ‘men will be men’. I think the best Hindi movie retort to this unwanted advice on ‘akeli ladki khuli tijori ki tarah hoti hai’ (an alone woman is like an open jewellery box) came from Geet in Jab We Met – Kya aap gyan dene ke paise lete hain kyonki chillar nahin hain mere paas.
The premise of Laapataa Ladies is beautifully simple – two brides clad in the ghunghat that covers their identity get mixed up on a train. Within this Russian Doll, you get a comedy of errors, a story of getting lost, a commentary on patriarchy’s attitude towards women, a mystery, and a tale of finding oneself, all in one. Done with a mostly light touch that has you laughing and nodding along.
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