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Marriage is for happiness and not for adjustments only. It is not to make others happy and act as per their choices.
Daughter in law is just proportional to a wrapped up package who leaves her home, family, and at times her career and settles in a place to start a new version of her life.
Yes, it is a brand new version of her life. And it doesn’t stop with that, there are a lot of rules and regulations that are expected to be followed by her. These rules mentioned here may not be familiar to those who don’t live with their in-laws, but these rules are quite common.
Rule 1: Win everyone’s heart, it doesn’t matter whether you like them or not, it doesn’t matter whether you act like a clown, but your ultimate duty is to win everyone’s heart in the family and most importantly of the relatives’.
Rule 2: Every spoken word and unspoken action will be scrutinized. You may need to give an open apology at times to settle some trivial issues.
Rule 3: Forget your taste. Forget your favourite cuisine. You are a newer version now, you are expected to adapt to their style of cooking and eating in a jiffy.
Rule 4: Forget about privacy. It is a strict NO!! NO!! to get inside your room and lock the door, to have your time or to indulge in what you like.
Rule 5: You are no longer a decision maker when you are with your in-laws. Your career, your choice of outing, and even the food you need to cook will depend on their decision.
Rule 6: Get prior permission to visit your parents. You no longer have the right to make decisions to visit your own house, because in simple words, its no longer your house.
Rule 7: You might be an independent woman, but marriage decides who you are in the long run. You are the only soul who is expected to keep your mouth shut and maintain peace.
Rule 8: Your only role in life and your only expected motto in life is cooking, cleaning and taking care of the family. Cling on to that and there is nothing more.
Rule 9: Your perfectly round rotis or soft idlis determines who you are and what you are capable of, nothing more and nothing less.
Rule 10: Dress like a woman, and not any more like a girl of your choice. You are prohibited to wear those tight fitted salwars or jeans. In some cases, if they allow, then be ready for silent stares and apparent sulking to make you understand their expectations.
And there are many such rule books, with different versions in each household. Remember the first thing your mom told you when you are stepping out of your house? “This is your new home and you have to adjust, bring happiness and peace wherever you go”, only these words keep many of us going and we keep accepting certain things.
Not surprisingly, many of us wonder why there is no “RULE BOOK” as such for the men in our lives. We can keep wondering for they make their own syllabus, which you are not allowed to do!!!
Change the system, change the rule and most importantly destroy those self-constructed rule books made for their convenience.
Empowerment doesn’t happen anywhere outside, it should happen inside you, from the place you live. Don’t ask for it but live for it, for you are worthy enough by every fibre of your cell. Let not others decide your choice of life.
Marriage is for happiness and not for adjustments. It is not to make others happy and act as per their choices. Take control, and yes at times change comes with standing up for yourself and not by blaming the system of marriage.
Not every home flips your dreams, and nothing changes topsy turvy in a day. Work on it, take command on your life, talk to them, make them realise marriage and the rule book doesn’t decide your character. When you start faking up accordingly to the rules mentioned to you, you might lose yourself at one point and eventually, the marriage will fall. Speak out and live for your happiness too, even you deserve to experience the real joy of marriage.
Image via Pixabay
Food blogger and a writer by passion. Writing has been my source of let out, ever since my college days. Am a woman with a strong belief that you can make difference in everyone's read more...
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Darlings makes some excellent points about domestic violence . For such a movie to not follow through with a resolution that won't be problematic, is disappointing.
I watched Darlings last weekend, staying on top of its release on Netflix. It was a long-awaited respite from the recent flicks. I wanted badly to jump into its praise and will praise it, for something has to be said for the powerhouse performances it is packed with. But I will not be able to in a way that I really had wanted to.
I wanted to say that this is a must-watch on domestic violence that I stand behind and a needed and nuanced social portrayal. But unfortunately, I can’t. For I found Darlings to be deeply problematic when it comes to the portrayal of domestic violence and how that should be dealt with.
Before we rush to the ‘you must be having a problem because a man was hit’ or ‘much worse happens to women’ conclusions, that is not what my issue is. I have seen the praises and criticisms, and the criticisms of criticisms. I know, from having had close associations with non-profits and activists who fight domestic violence not just in India but globally, that much worse happens to women. I have written a book with case studies and statistics on that. Neither do I have any moral qualms around violence getting tackled with violence (that will be another post some day).
Gender stereotypes, though a by-product of the patriarchal society that we have always lived in, are now so intricately woven into our conditioning that despite our progressive thinking, we are unable to break free from them.
Repeatedly crossing, while on my morning walk ̶ a sticky, vine-coloured patch on the walkway, painted by jamuns that have fallen from the jamun tree, crushed by the impact of their fall, and perhaps, inadvertently trampled upon by walkers, awakens memories of the mulberry tree that stood in my parents’ house when I was growing up. Right at the entrance of the house, the tree caused a similar red and violet chaos on the floor, which greeted us each time we entered the gate.
Today, as I walked by this red-violet patch, I was reminded of an incident that my mother had narrated to me several times. It had taken place shortly after her marriage and her arrival in this house from her hometown.