Living My Beautifully Imperfect Life – After Leaving An Abusive Relationship

As a woman separated from her husband, as a single parent, I may be imperfect and messy in all the roles that I play, but what I always do is try.

I am a single parent and always feel that though the process is a little more difficult when compared to so-called ‘normal’ parenting, it is always better to give your child value-based parenting. Socially and financially – in all respects we may suffer, but believe me, we will emerge victorious. The only little thing that we need from our immediate environment is a little support.

I am not divorced yet but have been living separately for five long years as the man whom I loved, the father of my five and a half year old son is very busy with his own life. I experienced all the love, hatred, abuse, violence – almost everything from him, yet I believe that all these have made me the person I am today. The more he demanded that I stay detached from my family and just remain his trophy wife, I feel I became more and more responsible towards my ageing parents. I have always loved my in-laws but I believe but I could not really respect them as they were supporting their son.

Amidst all this trauma and drama, I continued my studies; I raised my son; I have my own house to stay in and also the mental strength to see the pictures of my husband’s love interest on social media. I am a biomedical researcher; my son studies in a good school; taking care of my parents and getting back the same from them, I have a few friends, and almost no social life – yet I say , we must win as giving up is not at all an option.

I may be imperfect and messy in all the roles that I play, but what I always do is try. Sometimes I fail, sometimes I pass (most of the time with a grade B now); but what is important is that I still try. I just want my son to smile and my parents to live their last years feeling supported as we are all only daughters; for my husband, my only wish is that he at least try to live a meaningful and respectful life.

Divorce/separations are permanent scars, and in the case of women, it brings in the double trouble of social and financial issues. After long five years, he has returned to me the money that he took once for building our dream house, for buying our car. I feel that it is absurd for people to say that try to forget these; instead, I ensure to use that trauma as my strength. Face it, fight it, but do not live in an abusive relationship.

I am enjoying being imperfect in a world of “relative perfection”.

Image via Pixabay

falguni debnath

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