An Open Letter To Me

The author pens a letter to herself sharing her fears, inhibitions, strength and much more. A poignant piece which would uplift you when the chips are down.

Dear Me,

I sit here, listening to the whites; whites of the wall which cut right through the air into my eyes to the throat, settling as a lump. A lump edging horribly to break through my skin and explode. I talk to it, you know. Well, not exactly, as it talks and I only try to, with all those broken mumblings and tarnished words, I try to.

There are supposed to be spirits around me, but I see only bodies. The bodies which are interested in getting in touch with my body but repels the spirit which screeches and deafens the silence surrounding it. It isn’t a usual day with usual whims, instead, it stands more like the ones I dread, where the pillars of strength vacate the courage out of the door and prep to crush my skeleton instead.

Days like these, chase me here; here where I stand amidst the crowd of my cries, amidst my numb, amidst my voids and scathed, sealed passages. It isn’t easy being self-sufficient on such days, it isn’t easy being strong or even willing to be strong, it isn’t easy feeling loved, to feel treasured.

But, for a fact, I know I am sufficient. Every cry of mine is embraced by a cradling hush of my marrow beneath. Every fibre of my being is trying to hold myself in place, telling me what all has passed and what else shall do.

I know for a fact that I have to nourish those lumps until they melt and flow down to my heart and calm the thudding pulse which yelled for a spirit to wrap itself around, yearning for affection. However, I have bodies around me while I seek spirits, so just this one time and a hundred more to come, I will soothe myself every chance I get.

I happen to be my responsibility and mine alone, and I will try as hard as possible to remind myself of the same often. I will remind myself to breathe, to get through, to crawl past, to eat a bite or two for every meal, even if I do not feel like it. I will remind myself of how the trees still stand straight, how the sky remains blue, how the waves still call for me and how I am never too alone to confide in nature.

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I will remind myself of the moon so blurry yet reflecting light regardless, of the sun that burns knowing it can never be at peace, attaining calm, of the stars that die only to make others wish on them. I will remind myself of how I stand in the middle of a hundred multiverses and I am significant enough to collapse every one of them with me.

I’ll rise and remind and collapse and repeat until I feel full, I feel strong, I feel myself again.

And trust me when I say this, I, even for once, would not back down, would not kneel to never get up!

Love,

Me

Image Source: Pexels

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