Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
Sex is a beautiful thing when both partners have an equal say in what they like and want, and what they don’t. If only we talk about it, though, says the writer.
The media and society are still trying to drum into women that sex should be about giving pleasure to the man. Many Indian girls are still learning from childhood on: Your innocence is your sanctuary, but after marriage, everything is his, it’s his decisions.
At the same time, the Internet is full of instructions on how to do the perfect blowjob, or how to satisfy your husband in bed. Are there guides likes this the other way around? Nope. Headlines such as these symbolize only one thing: Step back, the lust of the man should always be in the foreground!
Hey, one thing should be clear: Sex is something very beautiful and can be incredibly fulfilling. That should apply equally to both partners! Because the most important thing and basically the only basic recipe for good sex is that both like it and that both feel good. Us women should never lose sight of our own interests. We should always ask ourselves: Am I in the mood for it at the moment? Does that feel good? What would I like even better?
In large parts of Indian society, sex is still a highly taboo subject, bodies are kept covered, words like “boobs” are never even enunciated, sex education for children is mostly completely missing. Sex appears to be something nobody really wants to talk about – or can. And this, even though it is especially important: We should talk to our sex partners and say what we want! Give them a guide, which will satisfy you. Because both sexual partners are equally important for an enjoyable corporeality. A relationship also means educating each other, because each person works differently and likes different things. It can be incredibly exciting and beautiful to discover someone else’s desire, even or especially for a man!
For someone who has never talked about sex before, it can cost quite a bit of overcoming to talk about such topics suddenly. That is completely understandable. In hardly any other situation we are that assailable and vulnerable, which applies to both sides. The easiest way is probably to start with praise. Sharing what you liked and by that, creating a basis for communication. Subsequently, it will be much easier to move on to wishes and also gentle criticism.
The fact is, the private is political! And sex takes place constantly, and everywhere. On the way to a more open Indian society, everyone should start with themselves, with “the woman in the mirror,” recognize their own limits and expand those. It’s time to woman up!
Oh and one more thing: It is not at all bad to discover and try out your sexuality even before marriage, even with different people. On the contrary, it can be great fun! Because one thing should be clear: Sex is fun! Make sure that applies to you as well…
Image source: StockSnap
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Born and raised in Berlin, Germany, Livia is a convinced feminist and passionate traveler who
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