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Marriage is hard work, never mind all the romantic ideas of 'love' as today our basic needs are mostly met and we need higher ones. If both partners choose to make it work, it can be a happy one.
Marriage is hard work, never mind all the romantic ideas of ‘love’ as today our basic needs are mostly met and we need higher ones. If both partners choose to make it work, it can be a happy one.
There’s this podcast called Hidden Brain by NPR which is absolutely fascinating. They talk about the way our brains work in different situations. Like, what instigates jealousy (and the concept of schadenfreude) or, how nature and greenery bring about a positive change in our mindsets and behaviors, and so on. Recently, I was listening to a discussion on marriage where they were exploring how the concept of marriage has changed over the ages along with the fulfillment of our needs.
They explained it with the help of Maslow’s Hierarchy Principle.
Image source: By User:Factoryjoe – Mazlow’s Hierarchy of Needs.svg, CC BY-SA 3.0, Link
With the satiation of our basic needs in the modern times, we now look for the fulfillment of our higher needs from our partners. Not getting that from your partner is often the reason behind many couples not getting along with each other, or feeling stifled in a marriage, despite no apparent discordance.
They said, “Don’t look at the Maslow’s diagram as only a triangle, think of it as a mountain.”
And here’s where it gets interesting. They asked the listeners to think of marriage as climbing a mountain. “When you’re on top, the view is breathtaking but the oxygen is sparse, which implies you need to take some measures before reaching this position. It comes with some preparation and hard work. Similarly, in a marriage, both the people need to prepare for the tough conditions. Only with the requisite effort do you get the reward of the scenic view from the top of a happy marriage mountain.”
A few days back, I’d read a similar article which spoke about how being in any kind of long term relationship like marriage is (in most cases) a choice that we make. It is not about love. Because the definition of love is so ambiguous and fickle. However, when we make the resolve to make something work in the long run, we choose to work for it.
How beautiful is this? And I realize how similar this is to the pursuit of an art, like writing, too. The ‘muse’ or ‘the love for the art’ or that so called ‘inspiration’ are all grand yet ambiguous words when those are compared to principles like sheer grit, hard work, and making the choice to work towards things that matter to us.
Image source: a still from the movie Dum Laga Ke Haisha
Kasturi’s debut novel, forthcoming in early 2021, had won the novel pitch competition by Half Baked Beans Publishers. She won the Runner Up Position in the Orange Flower Awards 2021 for Short Fiction. Her read more...
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While marriage brings with it its own set of responsibilities for both partners, it is often the woman who needs to so all the adjustments.
For a 25-year-old women — who tied the knot in March-2014 — the love come arranged marriage brought with it a new city, and also the “responsibility of managing household chores“.
Prior to her marriage, she learned to cook after marriage as her husband “doesn’t cook”.
“I struggled and my husband used to tell me that it would turn out better the next time. Now, I am much a better cook,” said the mother to a three-and-a-half-month-old, who chose to work from home after marriage.
Jaane Jaan is a great standalone flick, but a lot of it could have been handled better, and from the POV of the main character.
Jaane Jaan is a thriller streaming on Netflix and is adapted from Keigo Higashino’s book, ‘The Devotion of Suspect X’. I found the film to be riveting, with a nail-biting build-up. However, in my personal opinion, the climax and the treatment of the female lead was a letdown.
Disclaimer: I haven’t read the book yet, and I am not sure how true the adaptation has stayed to the source material.
(SPOILERS AHEAD. Please read after you watch the movie if you are planning to)
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