Anupama writes a letter to her 18-years old daughter. Read what she has to say.
Love in the age of Tinder – hookups, casual sex, dating, and even long term relationships – it’s all par for the course, and works very well for the millennials.
Cut to 2018, and you can have at least a dozen relationships, more so hook ups, in 1-2 years.
And to be honest it isn’t that bad.
It’s always good to enjoy some attention. Healthy flirting may actually be remedial.
So has tinder replaced love?
With so many options available at the stroke of your thumb, how difficult has it become to sustain a more lasting emotion?
Not very long ago relationships required a lot of investment, investment of time, emotions and feelings. The only investment you need these days is to get your net pack recharged.
In am not a dating whiz. Most of my serious relationships have now left me with estranged lovers. But back in ‘my days’, dating was exclusive and boy did it require work. Back then you would wait for the opportune moment to approach that particular him/her. At times it would take weeks before you could finally get ready for that very first date, with no guarantee of the second. One worked hard to impress.
But now you can be headed to meet someone totally new in matter of a few hours, and if it doesn’t work out, you got to put your thumb to use once again.
In the world of tinder, you can never be alone. Each one finds one. If you don’t like one you move on to another. If someone dumps you, you move on again. It has made patience a rare virtue. All we seek is instant gratification.
I have a friend who reiterates often “Ladka hi Ladke ki dawa hai “. Implying a break up can only be overcome, quickly, by another relationship. I have put it to test and yes it does work, at least to the extent that it relieves you from the instant pain of a fresh break up. And to most this is what Tinder and other dating apps have become. A quick fix.
It’s good for your friends, because you don’t bother them with the endless woes of your broken heart. But for yourself, we don’t let our feelings and thoughts to settle in. We quickly run and explore the next best option. You are happy once again. For once in the history of dating, supply is greater than demand.
What we are suffering from is the problem of abundance. Individuals are no longer people, rather commodities, who we explore, scan, test the suitability of, and swipe. Within a few seconds of looking at the picture of our prospective date we decide to swipe them left or right. It’s funny how we completely forget that its real people we are talking about. Looking for a date is no different than buying a Subway diet sandwich or an ‘Aloo Tikki Burger’ on Swiggy, the only difference being, what you swipe right on tinder may not taste as good.
But can Tinder lead to anything substantial or long lasting? Or have we just made it a scapegoat to hide the frivolity of our current generation.
It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that in current times, virtual is more real than the real. We spend more time talking to the same person over whatsapp/messaging than on face to face interaction. Talking over any virtual medium is just so easy and entertaining at that.
Once while in a casual banter with my cousin, he almost innocently, and with utmost sincerity asked me, how Tinder was working for me, as if it is some job, where I am required to perform equally well. I retorted by asking him the same question. His response more than surprised me when he said he misses the ‘chase’ involved in approaching your desired one. I said, “Chase is also fun,” so he corrected me and said, “Chase is The Fun and after that everything is redundant.”
What makes such apps so popular is our ingrained insecurity of being left out to fend for ourselves. All we seek is that someone, who is willing to give you the attention you feel you deserve.
So would it be right to blame the incapability of our generation to experience any deeper emotion, on this abundance of choice? Or is this what the future holds for us, i.e., to be devoid of any long lasting relationship except the one with our mobile phones? Why do we now lack the willingness, or may I say courage, to even make a simple phone call to someone?
For one the solution lies in accepting that ‘emoticons’ can’t replace true emotions. Expressing vulnerability or feeling vulnerable doesn’t make you an alien. We are humans programmed to feel happy, hurt, sad in equal measures, and there is absolutely nothing wrong about it. Only when we bare ourselves out in the open would we be able to experience anything deeper. We have to learn to be comfortable with our own emotions.
Secondly, we need to slow down a little. The world is not coming to an end nor our chances at finding the ‘one’. Its, ok to take time to recover from bad break ups, to cry our hearts out, to let our eyes run out of water. It’s never a bad idea to give people second chances, investing in what seems promising, instead of rushing to the next best option.
Lastly, Tinder is not the evil plaguing us. It’s our insecurities that has made it one. Our insecurities and the fear of getting hurt have made us incapable of experiencing the joy of love.
We need to question ourselves, if we are happy like this. If the answer is a ‘Yes’, then we continue to stay this way. But if the answer is a ‘No’ then we need to make a change. Make a little effort, show a little emotion. Be honest and open in our relationships for however short they maybe.
We are insecure and no one naturally is insecure. It’s time we undo it, because only we can.
Image source: pixabay
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