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It may seem as if there is no hope in this world for an independent woman. But times are changing, and sometimes, you do meet the few people who appreciate the real you.
As she grew up she was conditioned (or at least, the attempt was made to condition her):
(a) To think about how the world would perceive her, should she make certain choices for herself – whether it was her sense of dressing or her way of thinking or the way she would talk, laugh or behave…
(b) To perceive of the possible negative consequences of her ‘career-mindedness’ or her fetish for a highly successful career, on her future matrimonial life.
(c) To always put her husband’s and In-laws’ wishes ahead of her own, once she was married. (So why did she need a career?)
(d) To curb her intolerant attitude to all that appeared nonsensical and restrain that rude, sassy behaviour even when she was being treated wrongly. ‘Patience’ was the key word they tried to ingrain in her. Else, her marriage would not work, they said.
(e) Some people in the family circle even called her names at times and wrote her off as a “most likely case of failure” when it would come to handling matrimony and relationships.
But there was this SELF-BELIEF that was obdurate. That kept her unbending and advancing with whatever she felt was just practical and thoroughly right. She was a person who kept up with the times. She really did not believe in all that was being taught. She was not only clear that understanding mattered in a relationship but also aware of the fact that ‘times change’. She decided to follow her gut instincts. Sometimes, it did confuse her but she stayed put. At times she had to use that insolent behaviour to keep things in check.
Time passed and after attaining all that she had aimed for, she met this man. She quietly heard him out as he kept saying seriously, “I want a wife who is not only educated but also independent in her thinking and has perceptions different from mine. The choice to have a career would be completely her own and as for me, I can trust her on whatever she would decide and whichever way she wants to do it. I do not want someone who would blindly follow me, partnering me in my errors. I want someone who is good enough to stand up to me, be intolerant where required and rise up to the occasion, instead of standing by and watching mistakes happen.”
Everything looked agreeable, yet she pondered on for a while and then it flashed! ‘YES, isn’t he the one? Stupid! If this is not understanding then what else would it be?’ Eventually the ‘I do’s’ followed. Rude, sassy behaviour or whatever she wore hardly mattered to him, for he knew she always meant well. And today, they remain one of the most happily married couples.
Moral of the story: Have faith in yourself and keep marching straight.
First published at author’s blog
Image via Pexels
A Chartered Accountant by profession...wife...mom...a blogging enthusiast...the philosophical, perceptive thinker in me at times impels me to come up with thought-provoking write-ups that are usually inspired from human behaviours read more...
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I recommend reading Manjiri Indurkar's Origami Aai alongside her memoir to have a fulfilling and enriching experience of telling one's story with grace.
It’s All In Your Head, M famed author Manjiri Indurkar’s debut poetry collection, Origami Aai, is independent and yet an extension of her memoir in which she speaks with utmost grace about all forms of abuses that she has survived. In this book of intriguing and evocative poems, the poet weaves words to form images of the everyday life of her middle-class family, love found and lost, trauma, and healing.
The collection is divided into four segments, beginning with the family, slowly moving towards the world, and finally colliding them together.
We aren’t in mourning, but we are creatures of habit.
So we talk of each one who died of drowning,
and I listen to her stories with the patience
of a chronicler.
– Funereal Stories
When someone accuses you of "too much feminism", what they are really saying is, "I am uncomfortable with you challenging the status quo and disrupting my privilege".
Time and again, there is one phrase that keeps coming up in the social media discourse on feminism. Any guesses?
Ah, no prizes for guessing the infamous “itni bhi feminist” or “too much feminism” phrase, a classic eye-roller for me, and I am sure for many more of my tribe, in the realm of gender equality discussions.
Pray tell me, how can an ideology, a movement be too ‘much’? It’s not salt or the seasoning of your soup where you can go, “Oops, too much salt, only one spoon was required”. Either you stand for what feminism stands for, or you don’t.
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