Expectation Vs Reality Of An Interview

Posted: July 20, 2018

In today’s world, if everyone actually said the things that they think about, we would probably be in jail, have no job or friends. It really isn’t easy to be honest in a society wherein everyone wants to hear things they already know.

From our childhood we have been taught to never lie. But everyone, including the society, wants us to lie. I will show you how.
Let’s take the example of an interview. I still remember the first obvious question asked during a interview is:

1.Tell me about yourself.

Expectation: Hello sir /madam. Thank you so much. It’s my pleasure to introduce myself. My name is this, I belong to this, I graduated in this from this Institute. And I participate in a cultural activity such as model making and secured 1st position in academic year so and so. I have an experience of two years in this company. Now coming to family background, my family consists of this number of members including me. My father is this and mother is this. I am hard working and very much committed and have leadership qualities. If I talk about my hobbies, they are gardening, walking in the morning and evening which helps me in stay fit and interact with new people and have fun with friends. I want to involve growing with the world where I can continue to learn and would like to take additional responsibilities. That’s all about me.

Reality: The most important thing about me is I am not a morning person, selfish, single, jobless, lazy, crazy, pick my nose when no one is watching, greedy and a foodie person.

2. What are your strengths?

Expectation: I am punctual, hardworking..
Reality: Wake up at 8.45am to reach the class room by 9.05am. That requires lot of strength, indeed.

3. What are your weaknesses?

Expectation: I can not stop working until I achieve my goal (practically this is also a type of strength)
Reality: Once I fall asleep then don’t bother me or else I will use such strange abusive words that you need a verbal abusive dictionary to understand the meaning.

4. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years?

Expectation : working at a higher position in your esteemed company.
Reality : I may look for better paying jobs or else I will be here.

5. Why should we hire you?

Expectation: (repeating all the strengths)

Reality : Come on, you need employees to run the company and I believe you are here to hire. Face the truth, you can not do everything on your own. You can not play all roles on your own just like Kamal Hasan in Dusavatar movie.

6. Are you ready to relocate?

Expectation : yes, I am ready to relocate as per as company’s requirement.
Reality: Certainly yes, on one condition: traveling expenses will be on you.

7. So do you know any foreign language?

Expectation : no. But as I am a fast learner I will learn it in one go.
Reality : Certainly not. I know a few greeting words in so many languages.

8. Why do you need this job?

Expectation: For meaningful contribution to your esteemed company.
Reality: Because my parents refuse to bear my expenses anymore. If I don’t get this job then they will literally throw me out of the house to manage on my own. Do you want me to beg on the streets and sleep on an empty bench? You may but please I don’t study so hard to become a beggar one day. Your little effort can change a beggar’s fate.

9. Are you flexible to work?

Expectation : Yes, always.
Reality :Yes. If the office ac is not working I will use some old newspaper to fan myself. And if there is no water in the washroom I am going to use the same mighty newspaper again. In this way company can do lots of cost cutting on electricity, toilet paper and water.

10.What is your expected salary?

Expectation : you have been recruiting people for a long time so whatever you decide will be fine with me.
Reality: All I want is ‘roti kapra and makan’. Salary should be enough to pay the rent as I am staying away from my home, nowadays, sleeping on road side at night is so dangerous, ‘no one and nothing’ will run over you and you will be dead in any minute. I need to buy clothes as I can not walk in ripped cloths in your esteemed company. I need to afford cafeteria food as you don’t want your employee to eat from garbage. Although there is no guarantee that cafeteria won’t serve you carcass food.

11. Something you would like to add which is not in your cv?

Expectation: (repeating the strength again. Phew!)
Reality: Micro xerox is the only reason I could clear my exams otherwise I would still be in my 1st year of college.

So next time I don’t think you would feel too bad to lie. Is it?

P. S : This answers are just for fun. DON’T EVER USE THESE IN YOUR INTERVIEW.

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