What Is My Fault?

“What is my fault?” asks this imaginary letter from a girl child to the society. Evocatively written, it looks at how child sexual abuse affects the child’s life.

I am a twelve year old girl studying in Sixth standard.
Is that my fault?

I came home from school and played with my friends on the street.
Is that my fault?




My mom called me to have some milk but I ignored her and kept playing.
Is that my fault?

When I was chasing my friend, I had fallen down.
Is that my fault?

My leg scratched on the rough surface and I got hurt.
Is that my fault?

An uncle who came to my neighbour’s house came to help me.
Is that my fault?

He took me to his home to apply medicine.
Is that my fault?

Nobody was there at my neighbour’s house; they all had gone to a movie.
Is that my fault?

He applied medicine first and slowly his hand moved to my thighs.
Is that my fault?

I don’t know what happened; I don’t know how to explain.
Is that my fault?

But it was painful, more painful than my wound.
Is that my fault?

I couldn’t tolerate it and screamed but he held my mouth.
Is that my fault?

After sometime, he told me to not reveal this to anyone.
Is that my fault?

If I do so, he threatened to kill me.
Is that my fault?

For two days, I couldn’t urinate properly and it was itching, irritating and paining.
Is that my fault?

He even hit me and bit me on many places, my whole body was in pain.
Is that my fault?

I was afraid to go out and stayed inside home.
Is that my fault?

He had come for a vacation and he left the place after a week.
Is that my fault?

I forgot everything in a month or so and was enjoying my days again.
Is that my fault?

One day, during school prayer I fainted.
Is that my fault?

Teachers called my parents and send me home.
Is that my fault?

They thought I was not eating properly, that’s why this happened.
Is that my fault?

They warned me not to use my father’s phone for playing games again.
Is that my fault?

Like any other parents, they related all my problems to the phone.
Is that my fault?

Like how they said fa ew months back, that I ate lot of junk and unhealthy food, and’s that why I reached puberty early. May be that’s true.
Is that my fault?

My stomach was in unusual size and I had continuous indigestion and vomit.
Is that my fault?

My parents took me to hospital, but they never expected the shock.
Is that my fault?

I was pregnant!
Is that my fault?

They beat me, scolded me and asked what happened, all inside the closed doors.
Is that my fault?

I cried, cried and cried.
Is that my fault?

In between my cries, I mumbled about what happened that day.
Is that my fault?

My parents were afraid of what others would say, but they didn’t think about how I felt.
Is that my fault?

They thought my future will be dark and no one will marry me in the future, if this news comes out.
Is that my fault?

They took me to hospital again, to abort the child of their child.
Is that my fault?

But the ward-boy leaked this to a news channel with whom he had a secret tie-up on providing sensitive news like this.
Is that my fault?

My life, is their sensational news.
Is that my fault?

They all lined up, took photos and videos of me and my parents.
Is that my fault?

They asked me and my parents so many questions, in that I didn’t even understand many.
Is that my fault?

The police also came and they asked many more questions.
Is that my fault?

My parents didn’t expect any such things and they were afraid to face the society.
Is that my fault?

They didn’t accept for my abortion. They said my health condition and law is the reason.
Is that my fault?

That’s the last day I saw my parents, they hung themselves that night fearing society, relatives and much more.
Is that my fault?

None of my relatives were ready to accommodate me.
Is that my fault?

I was taken to a government home, where there are many more children but no one like me with a bump on the belly.
Is that my fault?

Police arrested that uncle but he was also granted bail.
Is that my fault?

I have suffered for months together, couldn’t eat my favourite foods, couldn’t sleep properly, and couldn’t play with other children.
Is that my fault?

Finally the day has come, I was screaming in pain. They took me to a hospital.
Is that my fault?

A baby is born for this little girl, but dead.
Is that my fault?

This society is the mute spectator to all these things.
Is that my fault?

Now I have lost everything in my life, but still living with a little hope.

May be I should have gone home when my mom called me to drink milk?!

Image source: pixabay

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Comments

2 Comments


  1. Prathusha Kumaresan -

    Great work.

  2. Good read. Really painful story. Great writing to convey the pain of a girl who is innocent. Lovely manikathai.

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