A Letter To The Man Who Tried To Break Me To My Core. But Failed

Posted: January 31, 2018

Living an abuse free life now, one woman looks back and says good riddance to the abusive man who tried to break her – all in the name of love.

Hey You Immature Ass! I hope you’re doing good after a few months of a break from me. I’m good too. Yes, yes, I’m good! Oh yes! You tried to break me completely but I’m glad to inform you that you’ve failed in your endeavour.

Trigger warning: This post contains some explicit descriptions of violence against women that could be disturbing for some readers.

Recently, I noticed that you have tried to write a few words on my birthday with a hashtag ‘Nostalgic’. I was happy to see that. You know why? Because now I am more confirmed that you’re as much of an asshole as I thought you were. As I read your words, they referred to your love for me and suddenly, this word ‘love’ collided with the abuse that you inflicted on me when we were together. I read your reference to my ‘beautiful’ face that you threatened to burn that night. How can I forget that? It was super awesome to be a survivor.

How can someone who uses such beautiful adjectives in words be so heinous in reality? Hey, do you remember that you wanted to cut my ear? Ha ha, that was so eye-opening for me. I know, I know, you feel guilty about that. Good, you should. But that incident when you physically abused me? Raped me? Yes, I am using this word ‘Rape’ because I was crying and I was not physically ready that night or on those nights when you asked me to learn lessons from girls ‘outside’. Blondes. Ya, you like blondes, right? I remember. Beautiful it was for me; I was in tears while you were ejaculating sperm. Ass, It was RAPE.

Stupid I was that I did it out of guilt and LOVE. ‘The unconditional Love’ that you always desired, expected, and snatched from me. You know I hate this word now.

I am glad that you are working on your creative skills because when I posted a poem on Facebook that day, you actually threatened me and emotionally abused me because I was supposed to take your consent first on the content and then post it if you allowed it. Good, at least you do not have to take CONSENT from anyone for your post now and thankfully, even I don’t need to do that now.

I am feeling a sudden rush of blood in my body as I’m writing this because I’m going through each instance of emotional and physical abuse that you hurled at me once again, psychologically. I found it really funny that you used this word ‘Mohabbat’ – not because you were in love but because you’re obsessed with this image of yours as a love guru and aashiq. Oh, what makes me think so? Good Question!

Because I have seen you inside out. I have seen you at your best and worst. I have seen your animalistic self ruling over me. I have gone through that all. I remember each and every moment when you tried breaking me.

That night when you and your sister made a team and harassed me. You don’t know what harassment is? It is a noun meaning aggressive pressure and intimidation. I only wanted you to understand and love me. I did hope for your holding my hand and telling me “It’s ok, we’ll figure it out because we are partners, you don’t need to take any decision right now” but what did you do? You asked me to either decide or leave. I left!

And you didn’t come to bring me back!

And then you write these words on your wall for my birthday? (LOL, hypocrite!)

I am happy with my life now, having learnt to love myself. I am living an abuse free life and I hope you get yourself treated for your behaviour. Abusers never realize that they are abusers nor do their close ones get to know it. I was your partner, hence I went through it, right to its most degrading point. I hope you get in touch with a psychiatrist and get yourself treated. I wish you all luck in life and hopefully you never do this to anyone ever again.

Thank you
Letter from someone stood strong!
Now and always!

First published here.

Image via Unsplash

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  1. My stomach is churning after what I have read. What type of a monkey is this man; from the Neanderthal age? This is shocking. I have read so much brutality against women in India. It is a disgrace to call this country – Bharat Mata when pigs are residing amongst us. I have had so many girlfriends with whom I have had wonderful relationships There was never any violence or even a thought of inflicting on the other. It would have been a shame to my character. If things don’t work out, quit than do harm or inflict pain. During the last 18 years that I have been living in India after having lived nearly 42 years in Germany, I have to say that India is a very violent and aggressive countries. Why European treat their womenfolk with grace and respect than stupid Indian men. I feel for the lady who has written this brave article / letter and admire her bravery. Many mothers have graceful men.

    • Indeed, it was difficult to come out of that abuse and I have had conversations with women who are going through sucked up relationships but not bounding courage to call it out and quit it.
      It became easy with parental support but answering society was indeed difficult. One of my very close relative tried convincing me by saying that I won’t be adding any value to my life without my husband. That I would have to stand in the market and still nobody would give a shit to my life because women don’t get respect without husbands.
      Thank you for your understanding!

  2. M/s Noor, please excuse me but this is the biggest BS that such a fool tells you: I won’t be adding any value to my life without my husband. That I would have to stand in the market and still nobody would give a shit to my life because women don’t get respect without husbands. You’re not a tradable product that word “market” this fool has used. Does he have any culture and any common sense? He is primitive and a backward fool. This is the headache in this country. They learn a language – English – but don’t understand anything about the qualities the English teaches one. Respect, nobility, grace etc. The Austrians say to the women folk – Kuess die Hand, gnadige Frau.. (Kiss the hand, respected Lady). Colloquially, the words in German cannot be properly translated. It is a way of life in Europe showing the respect men have for women.

  3. Now all we are striving is to change mindsets through writing. Thank you for being a part of this change.

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