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If a man cheats on his marriage, we blame the other woman. But isn't the fault more of the man himself, when he is the one breaking his marriage vows?
If a man cheats on his marriage, we blame the other woman. But isn’t the fault more of the man himself, when he is the one breaking his marriage vows?
Let me tell you a line or two about extramarital affairs, infidelity, emotional affair, betrayal, or whatever you call it. We most often tend to blame the other woman when the man cheats on his wife. Why do we do that? Why are we so quick in judging the other woman? Isn’t the man responsible for the whole thing? He let that happen, in fact, he chose to get close to the other woman. He could have chosen otherwise.
It takes immense courage and determination to work on a relationship even when things look bleak. Choosing to break up is an easier way out. Pavitra chose to work on her relationship despite the odds.
Gautam and Pavitra were married for ten years. They dated for six years before tying the knot. Like every other couple in love, life seemed beautiful for them. They worked for the same company at the start of their careers. They had fun exchanging loving glances, sneaking out secretly, and feigning ignorance before colleagues.
They were truly in love with each other, but when it came to marriage, Gautam wouldn’t commit himself. He had ‘commitment phobia’. So when Pavitra couldn’t take it anymore, she decided to break up with her guy, that’s when he finally gave his nod. He works best under pressure, so she thought. With the approval of both the parents on either side, they got married.
There were initial hiccups in their marriage, but they were happy together despite the not-so-favorable joint family circumstances. After having the first kid in the second year of their marriage, Pavitra gave up her career and decided to take care of her baby. Gautam supported her all along in all ways – he was very loving, caring, and understanding. And then they had their second kid in three years time.
They were a happily married couple. Everything was picture perfect in their lives –a good job, two kids, and a warm home. She couldn’t have asked for more until one day the most terrible incident happened and their good days came to an end.
Gautam confessed of having an affair with another woman named Maya. Pavitra had a shock of her life. This man in whom she had blind faith, had the nerve to cheat on her and even tell her about it. She was completely shattered and was in disbelief. She never thought she would get to see this day and that too at a time when things seemed perfect. The word ‘love’ held no meaning for her anymore. She felt betrayed, felt like dying and asked God the same question umpteen times ‘Why me’? Despite all the pain, she could not let go him in spite of knowing that he didn’t love her anymore. She was unable to tell what was more painful, the inability to let go of him or her guy growing out of love for her. She was in total deniance of what was happening to her.
But Pavitra realized that sitting and grieving about it will not get her anywhere. She had mourned enough. She took charge of her life and vowed to herself that she was no longer going to play by the victim card for she knew that what cannot be endured has to be accepted. She got absorbed in spirituality and she did everything in her capacity to regain her peace. She gained her inner strength and emerged stronger. She had faith in God and she knew that Gautam is going to come back to her and the kids, and nothing in the world could shake her faith.
Gautam stopped coming home and the weekend visits became monthly visits. Pavitra got used to the routine of running the home without his support from buying groceries, paying bills, going for school visits, or making that periodical health checkup for the kids – she has become a-one-man army. Gautam knew that Pavitra would manage it all and supported her financially, which is the only positive thing in the relationship.
But, the underlying question that still crept at the back of Pavitra’s mind would surface once in a while and she would ask herself, “how long am I supposed to wait, haven’t I been patient enough, haven’t I forgiven him, am I doing the right thing by waiting?” Bogged by the flow of endless painful thoughts, Pavitra would impulsively call him and yell at him for leaving her in this situation, and they both would shout at each other without arriving at any solution whatsoever. Pavitra would be assailed by a sea of doubts and negative thoughts until the mundane things took over, and sooner or later everything was back to the same old routine.
All this time Gautam was lost in his world, not knowing what to do and confused as ever to take a stand and define his boundaries. Nobody could drive sense into his mind, neither his mom, dad, nor his friends. He was taking a bit too long to figure out, while Pavitra kept waiting year after year to see any change in him. But the love she had for Gautam didn’t fade a bit; many times she would type ‘I still love you’ on her mobile and cancel the message. She had told that to him umpteen times in her mind, “Gautam, I still do love you, no matter what”. But she couldn’t tell that to him face-to-face, because he had built a wall around him she couldn’t penetrate. There was barely any communication between them. Whenever they talked, it was only for kids’ sake, or some emergency or some bill to be paid. Three years passed with the same kind of lifestyle.
Good days take time to come and they did come in Pavitra’s life too. Pavitra came to know that Gautam was seeing a psychologist to help himself deal with the situation. She somehow managed to get details about the psychologist and immediately fixed an appointment to see the doctor.
Dr.Roshan who was counseling Gautam was glad to see Pavitra in his clinic. He brought in a perspective in the situation and did everything possible in his capacity to persuade Gautam to get back to his family. During counselling, Pavitra also gained insight into what lacked in the marriage from her side – he also counseled Pavitra to be more appreciative of her husband and create an atmosphere of warmth and love so that Gautam would realize what he is missing on.
The couple counseling sessions lasted for three months and seemed promising. Gautam was guilty but he tried hard to change himself. Pavitra extended all her support and love to heal him back to normalcy. He did come back and Pavitra just took over things right from where she had left five years back and made all attempts to make him feel at home. The family relocated to a new place and started everything fresh, and slowly and steadily everything was normal in their lives.
Pavitra had learnt not to take her relationship for granted, so this time around she was extra cautious to keep the spark in her marriage alive. She nurtured her relationship and they lived happily ever after.
Choose love over break up!
Published here earlier.
Image source: pexels
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Women's Web is an open platform that publishes a diversity of views, individual posts do not necessarily represent the platform's views and opinions at all times.
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